It seems unconquerable, all-powerful, insatiable. It appears around every corner, at school, at work, at home. Especially at home.
And I am so guilty of this. In my daily devotions, I often examine the day before and confess my sins before the Lord, and in doing so, I realize the many wrong things I've said and done because of pride. Because I find myself so much more interesting or intelligent or godly than other people. Because my interests and my goals are so much more worth achieving. I interrupt. I argue. I use my time in the way I want. I criticize. I am so utterly immersed in myself and my own greatness and so deceive myself.
And I am so guilty of this. In my daily devotions, I often examine the day before and confess my sins before the Lord, and in doing so, I realize the many wrong things I've said and done because of pride. Because I find myself so much more interesting or intelligent or godly than other people. Because my interests and my goals are so much more worth achieving. I interrupt. I argue. I use my time in the way I want. I criticize. I am so utterly immersed in myself and my own greatness and so deceive myself.
And it's frustrating. Because whenever I try to get rid of pride through my own actions, my pride increases all the more. When I decide to sacrifice my own self-interests to serve others, I congratulate myself. Pat myself on the back for the humble things I've done. Inflate my own self esteem by doing things that are supposed to humble me and bring me down. To knock off my 5 inch stilettos instead of letting them grow. Now isn't that a paradox?
But other times I ask God for humility in the morning, and my day just flops. Parental lectures, school work problems, friendship issues. And those faceplants hurt. Horribly. It's like God just wrenched off my high heels and left me squirming in the dirt. And it's at those times of spiritual discipline that I can look my pride in the face and see how despicable I've become. So full of myself and arrogant. When God removes my self-worth in school or karate or with my friends, I can see myself as truly empty and helpless. And I need those reminders. I need to be reminded that my worth is found in Christ and all that I am is because of Him and not my own doing. I need faceplants sometimes.
So is there any hope at all? Is there any hope that we can actually see ourselves without being so blinded and requiring God to break us so utterly to remove our rose-tinted glasses?
When Jesus Christ came to the earth as the essence of true humility, He made that choice of meekness available for us.
When I look upon the cross, when I gaze upon those rugged beams of wood nailed together, when I realize the enormity of what Christ did for me, pride's grasp weakens. When I see the extent of my sin and the extent of my wickedness and the extent of my evil heart, I can suddenly remove the veil from my darkened eyes and boast in Christ alone. Boast in what He has done because nothing I've accomplished can even compare or stand up to His amazing grace and goodness and holiness and perfection. My own interests don't matter. What I have to say doesn't matter. What I want to do no longer matters because my life is His and my aim is His and my goal in life is for Him and for His glory.
And that is how I wake up every morning. Acknowledging that I am proud and too full of myself and that God, would You just allow Your Holy Spirit to tell me again of the plan of salvation? Would You just remind me of what Christ did and of His holiness and goodness and of my own incapability to save myself? Will You fill me with an understanding of Your power and help me grasp my own weakness? Help me lean on You today because all that I am is because of You. In Your Name, I trust. Amen.
And that is how I wake up every morning. Acknowledging that I am proud and too full of myself and that God, would You just allow Your Holy Spirit to tell me again of the plan of salvation? Would You just remind me of what Christ did and of His holiness and goodness and of my own incapability to save myself? Will You fill me with an understanding of Your power and help me grasp my own weakness? Help me lean on You today because all that I am is because of You. In Your Name, I trust. Amen.
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