Hi.
There are a few things I'd like to say.
First of all, I am far, far from perfect. And I write this, just like I write all the other posts in my blog, not because I can, but because I hope to. Not because these are things I have accomplished, but things I want to accomplish. Writing to me is like. . .bleeding. Often I don't even know what's coming to me until I sit down at my computer and confront myself, cutting myself with the pen so I can finally see deep inside. And the things I see surprise me. The things I write surprise me. Half the things I publish I never truly thought of until God revealed that area in my life through daily devotions, Christian books, sermons, or other Christian friends. So just putting that out there. I am not a super Christian. I don't aim to be. I just want to be that one signpost pointing people to the greatness of my God.
And actually it's a bit paradoxical. The closer I get to my heavenly Father, the farther away from Him I feel. The more I understand and grasp His holiness, the more filthy I find myself and my daily habits. And the more I realize His amazing, incredible, absolutely awesome love for me, I feel incredibly unlovable.
Because when I see how completely holy Christ is in His complete perfection and radiant purity and majestic glory, I cannot help but look down at my own bloodstained rags, torn and drenched in mud and excrement and shudder at the greatness of my sin. The extent of the difference between His holiness and my imperfection. Compared to the greatness and righteousness of Christ, I. . .I am nothing. Worse than nothing. At least nothingness is neutral, yet my sin places me on the negative side of the x-axis. I shudder at myself and wonder how God could love and care for and die for this . . .prostitute.
I remember the book of Hosea and how that faithful prophet lived out Christ's sacrifice to us through his incredible dedication to his prostitute bride. How Hosea continually pursued Gomer, although she fought and struggled and continually lusted after other men, after other things to satisfy her when all that was good and noble and pure was waiting for her, was pursuing her. And how that prostitute resembles all of us. Although the Creator of heaven and earth desired to have a relationship with us, we ran. We fought. We did everything we could to avoid surrendering to the best life possible with the Creator of the universe. And yet He loved us.
When we realize how good God is to us, how He in his purity reached down to love such vile sinners. . .It's just incomprehensible to me. And I have to collapse and cry with the Psalmist, "Who is man that you are mindful of him? Or the son of man that you care for him? For You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."
And sometimes after staring at God's perfection for a while, it's so easy to become disheartened. So easy to give up and dwell in my own saltwater puddle and stop trying for holiness and feel so utterly disgusted at my own failures. Because I fail every day, every second, and life seems like a losing battle. I cannot do what's right, although I know the right thing to do! And it frustrates me so much, and somedays I just want to throw in the towel, curl into a ball, and cry.
But wait. There's hope. Because although much of our personal sanctification is based on our own obedience and effort, God is working in us. He is pursuing us, not wanting a day to pass without refining our imperfection and removing it and eradicating our sin to make us like His Son. In fact, He promises that He will bring the good work in us to completion, and indeed He will. He is faithful. His promises endure forever, and He never lies.
So hold on. He is working in You. And this work-in-progress business, it's pretty darn rough sometimes. Sometimes it seems impossible and so incredibly disheartening. But it's not. We have a God who created the universe with all its galaxies and atoms, a God who stopped the sun, a God who conquered the grave who is working in us, and He will not let us go until we are completely renewed and holy and perfect for His kingdom. Let that be a promise to you today, tomorrow. As we fight this fight side-by-side, lean on Him. He will carry you through to the end. He is faithful. I'll see you at the finish line, brother.
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