This is My Father's World - Recognizing God's Sovereignty Through the Tears

Do you ever feel tired? 

A bone-weariness poisoning every thought. 

You turn on the TV and once again see death written in between every line. Bombings and terrorist attacks and earthquakes. Or fraud and deceit and the overwhelming discouragement at American politics that seem to go nowhere, accomplish nothing, and yet seem to use more money than we actually possess. The bad guys seem to constantly threaten, constantly take the lead, constantly brutally butcher human bodies and wreck nations and destroy lives. And worse of all, they succeed and prosper while the righteous die and suffer and lose. 

Oh, God, where are You? Where are You in this mess of a world? Where are You amidst the suffering and brokenhearted and tears? If You are good, if You are just, will You just look down from Your throne in heaven above and see? Just see the corruption and evil and wickedness! It's so unjust, God. Why do the wicked succeed and grow fat in their sordid wealth when the righteous and the innocent suffer? Why do we deteriorate at the hands of the wicked? How long, oh Lord, will You continue to be blind? How long, oh Lord, will You turn a deaf ear to our pleas? 

And I'm wondering that in my devotions, scanning the atom-thick paper to see through for an answer. Trying to discover the whys in this unjust world when lightening suddenly rears its head and God tears my heart apart.

Malachi 3:13-15. “'Your words have been hard against me, says the Lord. But you say, ‘How have we spoken against you?’ You have said, ‘It is vain to serve God. What is the profit of our keeping his charge or of walking as in mourning before the Lord of hosts? And now we call the arrogant blessed. Evildoers not only prosper but they put God to the test and they escape.’”

And I tremble, knowing I have violated a commandment in my indignant, self-righteous anger against the Lord and have pointed my shaking finger at God, directing the blame at the Creator of all that is good and holy and perfect while standing in envy at the success of evildoers.

And who am I? Who am I to question the ways of the Almighty and the perfect way He is running the world? Who is this vile sinner that she should violate and blaspheme the name of the wholly righteous Judge? 

And I'm wondering that in church. Standing in between the solid wooden pews, the building carved into solid rock, filled with believers rock-solid in their beliefs, and I am shaking. Trembling. Doubting. Sinking into the sea of whys and gasping for air to fill my lungs and frantically, desperately searching for Jesus, for Jesus to lift me from this death grasp and enable me to trust. And worship songs fly from my lips, while the entire time I am feeling hypocritical. Singing about trusting God and living for Him and praising Him when all that is within me is angry and miserable. When inside I am raising my fist at God above, crying to Him to do something. I am not still. My soul is not well. What is this hypocrisy? And there is this inner war, this brutal death struggle within me while worship fills the air around me. 

And then I come alive.

This is my Father's world

Oh let me ne'er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the Ruler yet.

This is my Father's world!

Why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

I can hear my voice, ringing through the wood and worship, singing loud, singing free. I have forgotten. Forgotten that though the world may appear out of control and disastrous, God is in control. He knows what He is doing. He has a perfect plan. And He will judge the world. He will not let the wicked remain unpunished forever, and justice will reign. Yet He is a gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. 

The prophets knew this. Just ask Habakkuk. The whole book is basically my same question paraphrased. How long, oh Lord? How long? And God answered Habakkuk by reminding him of who He was. 

A holy God, who will judge the world regarding sin and righteousness. 

A just God, who will not let the wicked go unpunished. 

A Sovereign God, who will purify and sanctify and remove the evil among and amidst and within us. 

And Habakkuk responded with praise, thankful that God was in control and in awe of God's glory and holiness and power. 

And so I can praise Him, knowing He has a plan. Knowing He is King over the flood. Knowing He is mighty to save and my Deliverer and indescribable and my strong tower and a Friend of sinners. 

Forgive me, Jesus. Forgive me for doubting. Forgive me for raising my fist against what You have created and supported and caused to happen here on earth. I want to trust You. Oh Lord, strengthen my faith in You.