Imagine a single soldier, dressed in proper uniform with a machine gun slung over one shoulder. He rises from the muddy trenches, body painfully alert, and marches straight for the enemy a few thousand yards ahead. The rest of his comrades huddle together in the trenches with bated breath, nervous for their own turn. Their own execution, the guillotine slicing down by their own trembling hand. The enemy stand smirking ahead, thousands of men facing a lone soldier.
Obviously, this is suicide. He will die, without accomplishing anything of worth. Anyone can see that. But that soldier on his self-destructive mission was me.
Before this summer, I was proud, overconfident in myself and my beliefs. I simply enjoyed Christian fellowship for the sake of fellowship and laughs and refreshments. Never in the world would I have admitted that I needed it for spiritual growth, for the spiritual vivacity of my own life. But I was so, so wrong! During this flash-flood of a summer, I gradually came to realize my need for good, solid Christian fellowship for the furthering of spiritual growth.
First of all, in July, I attended Worldview Academy, a Christian camp that trains youth in biblical leadership and apologetics. Before I went, I thought myself to be a veteran Christian, solid in beliefs and convictions. I thought that I could mature by myself without the input or advice of other believers. I thought I was good enough. But when I arrived at Worldview, I encountered giants of the Christian faith, people who were truly superglued in their convictions and desire to serve Christ. Their love for Jesus and for each other was extremely evident in the way they served each other and welcomed me into their community. I built incredible friendships with incredible Christians, and the conversations we had triggered a raging spiritual hunger inside of me. My mouth watered. I was hooked. Never had I perceived so clearly the extent of my dissatisfaction of my own humble cooking of Eggo and frozen dumplings. I knew then that I needed rock-solid, concrete Christian friends as my reinforcements and supports, to provide the life-giving steak and potatoes that get me through the minefields of life.
Then, I flew into a rather distressing time period in my life, complete with sleepless nights and puffy eyes and gallons of tears. God utterly and deliberately broke me, I can see that now. He had a glorious plan through the sea of pain, but during that moment, I felt so alone and furiously angry and hurt. And during that time, I poured out my heart to a few dear friends, and I am so incredibly thankful for them. A simple "how are you doing today?" motivated and encouraged me. Their beautiful hearts and care and love for me was the strength I lacked to get up from bed sometimes. And again, I realized that I cannot traverse this life alone. That I really am not strong enough or good enough or capable enough. I need people in my life, emboldening me, guiding me towards godliness in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Once again, the Lord taught me dependence on other believers at the annual Living Hope Bible Church Labor Day Retreat. We had the opportunity to listen to various sessions about making decisions and the will of God from Dr. Greg Koukl. And many times, I just could not grasp the concept or understand the messages. Frustrating, right? But there was always, always someone to ask. Someone who sacrificed a few minutes of free time to listen, to answer and understand me. And I realized how much I appreciated the practical wisdom and guidance of older and wiser brothers and sisters in Christ.
And the more I grow, the more I understand that we're all in this together (cue the song). That I need these godly influences in my life. That I cannot do this by myself. And the more I look around me, the more I notice the innumerable occasions where I have grown through the helping hand of other believers in Christ.
And I am so grateful. For the opportunities to ask questions, to learn, to grow among people I admire so much, whether in the church or other Christian environments. For the sense of family and trust and community. For even simple activities like playing board games together or sharing laughs over Truth or Dare Spoons. For the adults and older teens who reach down through the barriers of age and experience to understand us youth. For people who care. There's so many names I could name, and I am so incredibly thankful. I am thankful for this unity. I am thankful that I can be part of such a beautiful family. And I am so thankful for this little bit of heaven that I can experience here on earth.
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