When You're Dead Tired of This Mess

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

("Worn" - Tenth Avenue North)

Some days erode me. Rub down my edges until I am nothing but a round pebble, unable to cut myself free from life's tangled mess that threatens to strangle all this blessed life from my lungs. 

I cannot breathe. 

All this sin. All this death. All these tears. 

Oh, God, I am so very tired. I am so tired of heaving myself out of bed each morning, of grappling these spiritual battles, of wrestling the Mr. Hyde in me. I am tired of facing the altar and permitting Your Holy Spirit to cut my heart open once again to unveil the darkness inside. Open heart surgery hurts. This purging of sin hurts. And attempting to live for You and Your glory by shouldering this leaden cross hurts. 

And oh, God, I am so tired of seeing this mess in the world of fighting and murders and catastrophes. I am so tired of seeing criminals day after day who sense no shame at committing the indescribable. I am so tired of seeing people die in their guilt-soaked selves while they raise their fists and curse God without even meeting the God they curse.

Oh, God, this world is broken. And I am tired of trying to heal it all by myself.

I flip open the Bible to John 14, the passage I always turn to for comfort when I cannot stand any longer. 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

This life is not for forever. This mess of violence and heartache will not last for eternity. This removal of sin and continual purification will end. I have a predetermined place in heaven. A one-way ticket to live with my blessed, blessed Savior. I will never have to leave Him. Oh, to be with the One who loves me so unconditionally for infinity! And Christ is preparing heaven for me, perfecting it for my arrival. Christ is coming to take me to be with Him forever and ever, to live with my God and my King who died for this broken heart of mine. And there will be no more tears, no more death, no more pain. And He will reign victorious, and I will be part of His glorious reign. Hallelujah.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

Christ promises to accomplish His work through me, to use this broken soul for His glorious, triumphant plan, to do magnificent works in the lives of others like Christ Himself. Who am I to be part of His ministry? That I have been integrated into His will? Oh, God, I am undeserving. You are too good to me. And all I desire is to be part of Your plan. To be able to bring You glory because that is the utmost of man. To bring You as much glory as we possibly can because You are so deserving of all the praise and honor in this world. 

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him. These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you."

The Holy Spirit dwells in me. God Himself dwells in me. Wow. I am not alone, for God Himself, the Creator of heaven and earth, the Savior of the world, and the Sustainer of the universe lives in this broken clay vessel. Who is man that you are mindful of him or the son of man that you care for him? You are too good to me. And the world cannot understand. They continue to relish injustice and sin because they do not know there's something better out there. They cannot understand the workings of the Holy One. One day, I will live with Him, away from the sinfulness of the world. And if I love God, if I surrender to my blessed Redeemer, God the Father and God the Son promise to love me. They promise to show their glory to this sinful soul. And I cannot help but feel incredibly loved. That the God of the universe would look down and love and care for this vile sinner down on earth. Thank You, Jesus. 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place you may believe. I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no claim on me, but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father."

I don't need to worry about or fear this brokenness of a world. Jesus provides me with His peace because He is stronger than the prince of the world or any of his minions, and His justice will ultimately rule. His Word stands true, for Christ ascended to heaven to claim victory over death and now rules in His divine kingdom, awaiting the time when we can arise and live with Him forever.

I can breathe again. And I breathe. I cannot contain the smile any longer, and I smile. God's promises are beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful! I shout to the world. Look at how amazing my God is! Look at how He can redeem even a broken sinner like me and inject life into my limp veins until I can fairly implode with His glory! And I can live! I can live because I have a God who lives in me and I can spend eternity with Him forever. And I rise from my bruised knees and I stand with hands lifted high.

How great is our God.