This is My Father's World - Recognizing God's Sovereignty Through the Tears

Do you ever feel tired? 

A bone-weariness poisoning every thought. 

You turn on the TV and once again see death written in between every line. Bombings and terrorist attacks and earthquakes. Or fraud and deceit and the overwhelming discouragement at American politics that seem to go nowhere, accomplish nothing, and yet seem to use more money than we actually possess. The bad guys seem to constantly threaten, constantly take the lead, constantly brutally butcher human bodies and wreck nations and destroy lives. And worse of all, they succeed and prosper while the righteous die and suffer and lose. 

Oh, God, where are You? Where are You in this mess of a world? Where are You amidst the suffering and brokenhearted and tears? If You are good, if You are just, will You just look down from Your throne in heaven above and see? Just see the corruption and evil and wickedness! It's so unjust, God. Why do the wicked succeed and grow fat in their sordid wealth when the righteous and the innocent suffer? Why do we deteriorate at the hands of the wicked? How long, oh Lord, will You continue to be blind? How long, oh Lord, will You turn a deaf ear to our pleas? 

And I'm wondering that in my devotions, scanning the atom-thick paper to see through for an answer. Trying to discover the whys in this unjust world when lightening suddenly rears its head and God tears my heart apart.

Malachi 3:13-15. “'Your words have been hard against me, says the Lord. But you say, ‘How have we spoken against you?’ You have said, ‘It is vain to serve God. What is the profit of our keeping his charge or of walking as in mourning before the Lord of hosts? And now we call the arrogant blessed. Evildoers not only prosper but they put God to the test and they escape.’”

And I tremble, knowing I have violated a commandment in my indignant, self-righteous anger against the Lord and have pointed my shaking finger at God, directing the blame at the Creator of all that is good and holy and perfect while standing in envy at the success of evildoers.

And who am I? Who am I to question the ways of the Almighty and the perfect way He is running the world? Who is this vile sinner that she should violate and blaspheme the name of the wholly righteous Judge? 

And I'm wondering that in church. Standing in between the solid wooden pews, the building carved into solid rock, filled with believers rock-solid in their beliefs, and I am shaking. Trembling. Doubting. Sinking into the sea of whys and gasping for air to fill my lungs and frantically, desperately searching for Jesus, for Jesus to lift me from this death grasp and enable me to trust. And worship songs fly from my lips, while the entire time I am feeling hypocritical. Singing about trusting God and living for Him and praising Him when all that is within me is angry and miserable. When inside I am raising my fist at God above, crying to Him to do something. I am not still. My soul is not well. What is this hypocrisy? And there is this inner war, this brutal death struggle within me while worship fills the air around me. 

And then I come alive.

This is my Father's world

Oh let me ne'er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the Ruler yet.

This is my Father's world!

Why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

I can hear my voice, ringing through the wood and worship, singing loud, singing free. I have forgotten. Forgotten that though the world may appear out of control and disastrous, God is in control. He knows what He is doing. He has a perfect plan. And He will judge the world. He will not let the wicked remain unpunished forever, and justice will reign. Yet He is a gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. 

The prophets knew this. Just ask Habakkuk. The whole book is basically my same question paraphrased. How long, oh Lord? How long? And God answered Habakkuk by reminding him of who He was. 

A holy God, who will judge the world regarding sin and righteousness. 

A just God, who will not let the wicked go unpunished. 

A Sovereign God, who will purify and sanctify and remove the evil among and amidst and within us. 

And Habakkuk responded with praise, thankful that God was in control and in awe of God's glory and holiness and power. 

And so I can praise Him, knowing He has a plan. Knowing He is King over the flood. Knowing He is mighty to save and my Deliverer and indescribable and my strong tower and a Friend of sinners. 

Forgive me, Jesus. Forgive me for doubting. Forgive me for raising my fist against what You have created and supported and caused to happen here on earth. I want to trust You. Oh Lord, strengthen my faith in You. 

Suffering: The Ultimate Blessing

Have you ever prayed for suffering? Prayed for bruised knees and broken hearts and persecution? Prayed to be uncomfortable and hated and martyred?

Death for Christ would be the greatest honor. To not only surrender our lives, but our deaths to Him. That would be the ultimate, ultimate privilege. To be able to die for my King and give my complete all for His glorification, so that even in my death, people can see the validity and greatness of my God in this broken body. 

A false teacher invades the church today, whispering lies, boxing us inside our cramped comfort zones, limiting us because we cannot stand emotional pain, criticism, or ridicule. So often our lives sit on the shelf, gathering dust, because we are afraid to suffer. Afraid to take that cross upon ourselves and risk losing happiness, comfort, friendships. We run from hardship. We run from pain. We run because we love our lives too much to give up anything for God. 

And this selfishness, this personal clenching of fists, is far from biblical. Suffering is not a burden or punishment, but a gift. An opportunity to mature and grow and lean ever closer to our dear Savior. A chance to become more like the One who made us. Suffering breaks us because we need to be broken, for only when we are broken and humbled can we truly, fully rely on Christ and say, "Your will be done". And suffering frees our death grip from ourselves and our possessions. It opens our tense fists and shapes our shaking fingers to open palms lifted high, begging Christ to come down and fill the cross-shaped hole within us.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

The only way we can grow into sanctification is through hardship. 

Through trials and the brutal testing of our faith, we can become perfect. Complete. Lacking in nothing. What goodness is this? That we can be complete, mature, holy. That we can be perfect to the One who commands and upholds all perfection. 

Stars require the darkness of night to twinkle radiantly through the emptiness of space. In brilliant sunshine, stars cannot be distinguished among the other things that shine and glitter. But when distractions are removed, when the sunshine and blessings of life are suddenly obliterated, when all falsity is torn away and all that remains is raw soul, then can we become purified. And suffering does that. It tears away the things we hold dear, desecrating our personal idols and showing us the hypocrisy we live in. It reveals our personal need for Christ and causes His qualities to mature within us. Qualities like patience and joy and kindness and love. Qualities that He lived and died for. 

And gold becomes refined in fire, the impurities dripping away in the heat of the flames. And so it is fitting. As the bellows roar and rage in searing insanity, throughout the craziness and harshness and bleakness of life, we are made holy into Christ's likeness. Although troubles and hardships beat at us and hammer away on these near broken hearts, only then are impurities and dross eradicated. Only then can purity be revealed and developed. Through the fire. Through the flames.

Because of this, we need to praise God through the darkness, learn to appreciate the dirt and the flames. Because all this is good. Good for us. And just like children cannot tolerate vegetables or vitamins or shots or things that are necessary for health, we also shrink from anything that causes pain, not realizing that pain only lasts for a little while, while holiness and godly character last for eternity. 

Suffering is vital to our spiritual maturity. 

"Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

We should run towards suffering, embrace it because it produces perfection and character and hope. 

It's ironic, isn't it? That God would use the seemingly evil and wrong and dark to bring out the light in us that we might shine ever brighter for our King? But hasn't He always chosen the weak to shame the strong, the humble for greatness? That even in the moments when we cannot see the light, we cannot see the hope in the midst of this great darkness, hope is being developed in us. God's hope shines even more brightly in the darkness, drawing us to Him, so His hope can shine on in us. 

And that's why God uses suffering. So He can shine through the darkness ever more brightly and glory might be brought to His Name. He is glorified when we honor Him through our suffering. When we act in godly response to hardship and persecution, the strength and goodness and sovereignty of God are ever more visible. For example, the standing endurance and perseverance of fellow Christians in the midst of physical illness or spiritual difficulties are testimonies of God and His truth. If God were not real, enduring such tribulations would be near impossible. But when we can praise Him through the storm, when we can sing His praises even when everything is stripped away, He is glorified.

Also, during the pain and night-blindness and tears, we do not walk alone. Not only does Christ promise to sanctify us with suffering, He promises that He will always and forever be beside us, not allowing us to endure more than we can handle. And isn't that simply amazing? That we can receive patience and endurance and strength. That we can cry on His shoulder and lean on Him for the next step, for the next second. 

And suddenly the darkness doesn't seem quite so bleak, nor the fire so intense. For what do we fear once that God above is beside us? He is sovereign over all things, the Creator of the world and omnipotent. What shall I fear? Struggles or pain or suffering or tears or heartache? No. Never. When God alone rules over struggles, works through pain, uses suffering, wipes away tears, and heals heartache, shall we resist Him?

And I pray for suffering. Pray that my faith might be tested and strengthened and purified.  For with my God beside me, with my God ever near me, I have the strength to walk through flames.

Oh, God. Make me cherish suffering. Make me open and unresistant to the work of Your Holy Spirit in my heart. Make me like You. Whatever the cost, Lord, use me to glorify Your Name. 

What Is Man's Primary Purpose?

To glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.

Those of you who have recited the Westminster Catechism as a child probably have this phrase engraved in your memory. From the early years of Sunday School, my parents have diligently quizzed me to learn these basic theological principles. But now that I finally have the words inscribed in my brain, what do they actually mean? How can we truly live out our lives for the glory of God? What does enjoying Him look like in our daily lives? I recognize that this is an incredibly deep theological issue. I'm far from a theologian, and I'm not even going to attempt to scratch the surface. If you want more information, Desiring God by John Piper can probably provide deeper insight (that's one of the books on my want-to-read list). All I aim to accomplish through this post is to discover some simple ways to apply this to our everyday lives, so we can live the lives God intended us to live.

So first, the glorification of God. I think Christians should be obsessed with bringing Him praise and glory. Starved and famished and eager to glimpse His awesomeness, and thrilled to bearers of His goodness. And not only in the big things, but in the little details of life, like His creation and the tiny blessings that surround us everyday. We should be fervent to seek out His wondrous deeds, passionate about His magnificence. And when we see examples of His glory, we should readily share our findings with each other and the world, to direct the spotlight from ourselves to Christ. 

Like today in my Physics textbook, I discovered the principle of equilibrium and the balancing of forces. It's incredible really, how our world is shaped by the laws of nature and how often we overlook the fact of God's amazing, incredibly detailed design. Without His foresight and encompassing knowledge to map out these physical laws, our life on earth would not be the same. Or when I flip open World Magazine and witness the amazing ministries God's people are developing around the globe today and the lives that are being transformed by their effective testimony for Him. And our Sovereign Creator really is just so great, and what He is doing is absolutely amazing. Just the other day, I gazed out the window at lunch and admired how the sunlight illuminated the green of the leaves. God's creation really is so beautiful, and how often I overlook it in the busy-ness of my everyday life. Everything fairly shouts His praise and proclaims His power. Shouldn't we also? 

God, You are amazing. Incredible. I can't comprehend Your majesty. And You are so good to me. Often I don't give you enough glory and praise for the little things in my life and the things You are doing around the globe. Will You please reveal Your glory to me? 

And I look around and want to see. Thirst to see. To crave His glory in this world, not only in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm. I open up His word to see His praise scrawled in between every line, His glorious deeds and promises to His people. His faithfulness in the past, and His dazzling plan for the future. And it's glorious. God is glorious. So deserving of all the praise we could ever give. 

Yet praise is beyond thankfulness and recognition. Both are commended, but praise goes beyond just feeling grateful and the acknowledgement that all good things come from God. It points us to the Source of that gratefulness and the attributes in Him that provide the blessings we enjoy. 

Thank You, Lord, for You are holy and just, and You promise to punish and remove all sin and evil on this earth and in me. Thank You for the work of Your Holy Spirit purifying and cleansing me. 

Thank You, Lord, for You are also forgiving and patient with us. We sin and fail so many times, but Your mercy is new every morning. Thank You for Your mercy towards us. 

Thank You, Lord, for You are Sovereign over all things, and nothing on earth happens outside of Your will. Thank You for being in control of my life. I trust You, God. 

Giving God glory is not only acknowledging His presence and goodness in our lives, but enjoying His characteristics and qualities. 

Which brings us to the second point. The enjoyment of God.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him," writes John Piper in the book Let the Nations Be Glad!. (A must-read!)

You see, the two are predominantly linked. When we enjoy God and find true satisfaction in Him, then He is glorified through us. By recognizing His goodness and delighting ourselves with all He has accomplished, we can bring more honor and praise to His name. 

He is worthy of all glory, and when we recognize that, when we acknowledge His greatness, He is glorified.

And enjoyment comes not only through the seeking of His glory around us, but in contentment with Christ and His promises. And this is difficult stuff. I myself can hardly even begin to put this into practice, and writing this post is terribly convicting! I often find myself coveting material goods, worldly practices, freedom to sin, you name it. Instead of being satisfied with the blessings that God has given us and the promises and love and grace and strength He provides, I look to other things and other people for satisfaction. Instead of being satisfied with who He is, I seek satisfaction from the world and other people.

It would be a lie to say that I am wholly satisfied with God. 

But I can begin to put aside the idols inside of me, to knock down my Asherah poles. To remove the temptations and distractions from my heart. And not only that, but to try to obtain a fuller understanding of His goodness. Often I think that it's because of my inadequate view of His goodness to us that I turn aside from the path and seek other things. When we fully grasp His holiness and His love for us and the things He has in store for our lives, we will not so readily desert our Heavenly Father for the cheap trinkets of this world.

A continual study in the Word will allow God's precedence in our lives and provide a true understanding of the blessings we have in Him.

And this is deep stuff. I know people have written extensive books on this topic, and it's like the ocean. Mind-blowingly deep. And there's so much more to be said, so much more to apply from this one area alone. I can't even begin to expose all the layers underneath, let alone understand it all thoroughly. But I can attempt to begin with the little things. Try to seek His glory and try to satisfy myself in Him. And as I attempt to glorify my Heavenly Father, attempt to seek full satisfaction in Him alone, will you try with me? 

Father God, enable me to glorify You today. I am so frail and weak, and I make so many mistakes, but will You just use this feeble human being to bring some glory and honor to Your name today? I want others to see how great You are. Let me be Your lighthouse, Your signpost, Your salt and light here on earth. Jesus, use me to show the people around me of Your goodness and love. Help me reflect who You are, so people can see how truly amazing my God is. Holy Spirit, work through me. Help me be truly satisfied in You, so that I will no longer hunger for the things of this world but be able to fully quench my thirst in You and direct others to the living water found in You alone. I love you, Lord. Strengthen me.

I Don't Support Christian Pessimism

That's a pretty harsh, in your face kind of statement. But it's true. Sure, there are people more easily swayed towards pessimism, those like me, always vigilant and attentive towards that one particular gray cloud in the sky. But just like homosexuality or theft or immorality, God never permits us to yield to inner desires contrary to His will. Pessimism is a choice to sin, and God calls every Christian to throw off discontentment in order to give thanks.

So no, I don't think Christian pessimists should exist. Unfortunately, Christians are also sinners, and sinners like me often fail. For example, the brainchild of pessimism. Complainers.

I'm living evidence of a complainer. Bawling my head off about the rain or the president or other people. This one kid who said this. . .Hey, this stupid website doesn't work. . .There's only leftovers for lunch! That's pessimism for you. People always have good qualities. Opportunities to learn patience are gifts from the Lord. And we should never take food for granted. Although I may disagree with others or fail to appreciate certain decisions, like with President Obama, that's not an excuse for me to grumble. 

When I specifically focus on the problems in life, instead of the many blessings straight from heaven above; when all are problems and problems are all, how can I refrain that voice of mine from trumpeting up to heaven above, voicing my complaints, so all can sympathize and know how absolute miserable I am? It's impossible not to when everything around me has so many visible holes and cracks. 

Not only does the Bible instruct us to focus on what is good and acceptable and perfect and to give thanks in all circumstances, but it also condemns complaining.

Great. Broken three rules with one stone. Guilty. 

Have you ever been asked, "If you had to choose, what food would you pick to eat for the rest of your life?" ? And to be honest, I never know. Because no matter how much I thoroughly love something, like bread pudding or sushi or carne asada for example, I could never eat it straight 3 meals a day for a week. Never ever. You'd hear me complaining at the end of the second day. Or maybe the first, who knows. At this point, I always remember the Israelites in the Bible. They ate manna for 40 long years while wandering in the desert, for goodness sake! If that had been me, I would have been grumbling before and after every meal. If not externally, then internally. I can surely sympathize. Yet, God never let them off or condoned them. Instead He rebuked His people and disciplined them for their ingratitude.

You see, God doesn't encourage pessimists. Pessimists are people who willingly choose to focus on the bad, who search for the blemishes and blots in every aspect of their life. It's a choice. Our Creator commands us specifically to forsake complaints and give thanks in all circumstances. He commands us to see the good in life.

Why though? Why would we willingly seek and run after the little stains? If you really take time to think about it, why would anyone readily choose to direct their attention through the sunshine and thrillingly lightning bolts and majestic thunder to the gloomy corners full of spiders and mice droppings? If I arrived at one of the most expensive banquets on earth, complete with escargot and eclairs and eel and all that fancy stuff that start with e's, and chose to focus on the one little tear on the edge of my linen napkin, chose to complain to the manager and ask for my money back, wouldn't you find me ridiculous? 

That's exactly how Adam and Eve fell from paradise. Because of discontentment. Desiring more than what they already grasped in their hands. They lived in paradise, without sin or death or evil. They had each other and an incredibly personal relationship with the Father, to the point of daily walks beside Him in the garden. And yet, when Satan held out that fruit, tempting them with the lie that they could become like God Himself, they caved. They grabbed that fruit of discontentment and rejection and covetousness and ate, the juice of rebellion dripping down their very chins. And so their world drastically changed, bringing with it dark red pain and seared black sin. And that fruit lives on in us today, in the very blood that courses through our veins. Pessimism channeling through us.

Then how can I say that we are not made pessimists? 

Because we have been remade. The old has gone, the new has come. We are no longer our old selves, slaves to sin and greed and lust and the addiction of wanting more. True, our sin nature still battles within, but the blood in us is Christ's. Our thirst and the hole within has been filled. We have His life and strength and grace flowing through us, providing healing and mercy for our everyday lives. He shed His blood, so His righteousness would live on in our arteries. When God on high looks down on us sinners here on earth, He sees Christ's purity soaking into our every atom and is satisfied. And not only was Christ pure and empowers us to be pure, but He gave thanks. He broke bread and glorified His Heavenly Father. And He commands us and enables us to do the same. His blood flows through us, reviving us, equipping us to live in eucharisteo. 

If Christ, who is the manifestation of everything good, could find God's goodness in this desolate world to give thanks for, can't we? 

And I look around, counting on my fingers the blessings in this very room. The seeable. The unseeable. 

Make me thankful, Lord.

A Soldier Cannot Stand Alone: The Importance of Christian Fellowship

Imagine a single soldier, dressed in proper uniform with a machine gun slung over one shoulder. He rises from the muddy trenches, body painfully alert, and marches straight for the enemy a few thousand yards ahead. The rest of his comrades huddle together in the trenches with bated breath, nervous for their own turn. Their own execution, the guillotine slicing down by their own trembling hand. The enemy stand smirking ahead, thousands of men facing a lone soldier. 

Obviously, this is suicide. He will die, without accomplishing anything of worth. Anyone can see that. But that soldier on his self-destructive mission was me.

Before this summer, I was proud, overconfident in myself and my beliefs. I simply enjoyed Christian fellowship for the sake of fellowship and laughs and refreshments. Never in the world would I have admitted that I needed it for spiritual growth, for the spiritual vivacity of my own life. But I was so, so wrong! During this flash-flood of a summer, I gradually came to realize my need for good, solid Christian fellowship for the furthering of spiritual growth.

First of all, in July, I attended Worldview Academy, a Christian camp that trains youth in biblical leadership and apologetics. Before I went, I thought myself to be a veteran Christian, solid in beliefs and convictions. I thought that I could mature by myself without the input or advice of other believers. I thought I was good enough. But when I arrived at Worldview, I encountered giants of the Christian faith, people who were truly superglued in their convictions and desire to serve Christ. Their love for Jesus and for each other was extremely evident in the way they served each other and welcomed me into their community. I built incredible friendships with incredible Christians, and the conversations we had triggered a raging spiritual hunger inside of me. My mouth watered. I was hooked. Never had I perceived so clearly the extent of my dissatisfaction of my own humble cooking of Eggo and frozen dumplings. I knew then that I needed rock-solid, concrete Christian friends as my reinforcements and supports, to provide the life-giving steak and potatoes that get me through the minefields of life.

Then, I flew into a rather distressing time period in my life, complete with sleepless nights and puffy eyes and gallons of tears. God utterly and deliberately broke me, I can see that now. He had a glorious plan through the sea of pain, but during that moment, I felt so alone and furiously angry and hurt. And during that time, I poured out my heart to a few dear friends, and I am so incredibly thankful for them. A simple "how are you doing today?" motivated and encouraged me. Their beautiful hearts and care and love for me was the strength I lacked to get up from bed sometimes. And again, I realized that I cannot traverse this life alone. That I really am not strong enough or good enough or capable enough. I need people in my life, emboldening me, guiding me towards godliness in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Once again, the Lord taught me dependence on other believers at the annual Living Hope Bible Church Labor Day Retreat. We had the opportunity to listen to various sessions about making decisions and the will of God from Dr. Greg Koukl. And many times, I just could not grasp the concept or understand the messages. Frustrating, right? But there was always, always someone to ask. Someone who sacrificed a few minutes of free time to listen, to answer and understand me. And I realized how much I appreciated the practical wisdom and guidance of older and wiser brothers and sisters in Christ.

And the more I grow, the more I understand that we're all in this together (cue the song). That I need these godly influences in my life. That I cannot do this by myself. And the more I look around me, the more I notice the innumerable occasions where I have grown through the helping hand of other believers in Christ. 

And I am so grateful. For the opportunities to ask questions, to learn, to grow among people I admire so much, whether in the church or other Christian environments. For the sense of family and trust and community. For even simple activities like playing board games together or sharing laughs over Truth or Dare Spoons. For the adults and older teens who reach down through the barriers of age and experience to understand us youth. For people who care. There's so many names I could name, and I am so incredibly thankful. I am thankful for this unity. I am thankful that I can be part of such a beautiful family. And I am so thankful for this little bit of heaven that I can experience here on earth.