A 365 Day Journey: Looking Back and Looking Forward

This is my first year making New Year resolutions. 

I've never made them before because I've always had this philosophy that life is about finding ways to grow and mature through each day, through each second. Sort of a short term perspective. And it worked for a while, I'll admit. A big part of life is about working in each second, finding ways to act in each specific situation to reflect Christ. 

But this year, I felt a bit differently towards New Year resolutions. A bit adventurous, maybe even. Heck, why not? Life is still relatively fresh. 2014, finishing up my sophomore year. Heading into the world of juniors: PSAT, SATs, visiting colleges. It won't hurt to have a few goals in mind, so I won't backtrack in my spiritual life because I want God to be the center of my life, no matter what. 

I have some non-spiritual resolutions in mind, regarding things like debate, karate, firearms maybe even. But in this post, I'm going to set myself two main spiritual goals that I hope to somewhat obtain by 2015. 

1) Joy in all things. 

Because sometimes I act like a jerk and let my circumstances dictate my emotions. Life is too much like a rollercoaster for me. And so often I forget that this life isn't about me. It never was. It's about the One who saved me. Who died for me, so that I can have every spiritual blessing here on earth. Who provided everything I need for life and godliness, and who promises an unconditional peace. He loves me, no matter what. And so often I forget this amazing truth: that the Creator of the UNIVERSE is my heavenly Father. And life isn't about me or having a good time. It's about God. And all things work according to the good of His children who love Him and obey His commands. So I can trust Him, because everything is according to His glorious plan. 

So this year, I want joy. To stop complaining and whining about every little thing. To stop feeling depressed and miserable. To stop criticizing people and feeling sorry for myself. I want to see beyond the dronings of this world and have a God-given joy and peace despite the curveball life throws at me. It won't be easy. It'll be a battle. But it'll be a battle worth winning.

2) Prioritize spending time with God. 

To be honest, I am ashamed at how little time I spend with Him out of my 24 hours each day or how little I care about getting to know Him better. I can wax eloquent about how much I love God and all that, but it all comes down to everyday situations. Everyday scenarios. Woke up too late, and what do I forgo? Cut down to a minimum 5 minutes scanning through God's Word, 10 second prayer, rushing downstairs to get today's workload done. And I know this is a heart attitude. That I care more about other things than about my heavenly Father. 

This needs to change. Just like any other relationship, time needs to be invested in order for it to grow and deepen into something beautiful. And I should be overjoyed to spend time with my Creator. In these next twelve months, I want to know God. I want to spend more time with Him. I really truly want Him to be first above everything else. And this will be hard. And there will be days when I just want to check Facebook or start working on math homework instead of talking to my Creator and reading His Word. But I want Him to be first. Which means I need to make Him first. Starting today. 

When I look back at 2013, I realize how much God has taught me. I've made some really horrible mistakes, but He never left me. Never once. And even when it seemed like nothing was going right and my world was becoming fried, He knew what He was doing. And in hindsight, I am so grateful. I am so grateful for all those times when I suffered and was broken, because they really drove me to the throne of God. 

Earlier in 2013, one of the things I struggled with was the question that many of you might also have wondered: If God is a good God, why are so many people going to Hell? People that I love and care for, my friends, my family, those who I hold dear to me. And night after night, I'd cry my heart out because I felt so guilty. Call it survivor's guilt if you will. I couldn't comprehend why God would do such a thing, and why I was saved while those I loved weren't. I felt so incredibly criminal inside, and for a while, I withdrew from God. I hated Him. I told myself that I wouldn't, I couldn't believe in a God who willingly hurt such beautiful people and condemned them to an eternal Hell. 

Yet God was still there. Even when I hated Him, even when I despised His gift of salvation, He was there all along, and I knew it. It must have broken His heart to see His daughter reject Him and spit on His goodness. 

Because, the truth is, we are not innocent people. In fact, all of us have rebelled against God totally. Apart from Him, we cannot do good. We are unable to please God and incapable of anything worth doing. We broke His law and we deserved Hell. Yet, because of His mercy, He sent His one and only Son down to this earth so we can be saved. We all have the chance of eternal life, if only we repent from our sins and turn to Him, surrendering our broken hearts to Him and accepting Him as Lord and Master of our lives, living our redeemed lives for holiness for Him. 

The question isn't "why them?" The question is "why me?" 

Why did God choose me? I am unworthy of His sacrifice. I don't deserve His goodness. I don't deserve life on earth. I broke His law. I am unworthy. 

Yet He chose me, not because of who I am, but because He wanted to glorify Himself through me.

Because that's the purpose of anything and everything here on earth. That's the purpose of living. To glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. This whole salvation process, it's all about His glory. Each person who is saved is for God's glory. It's not about us. It never has been. It's about God and glorifying Him and magnifying His name because He truly is great. 

I am unworthy. So Lord, let Your mercy and strength and love shine through me. Glorify Yourself through me. 

I'm like a broken clay pot, punctured, cracked. Yet it's because of these fractures that the light can shine through all the more clearly. 

It's my imperfection that allows Christ's perfection to be more clearly revealed.
It's my sinfulness that unearths the extent of Christ's forgiveness and grace.
It's my weakness that reveals the immensity of Christ's strength.

And that's my prayer for 2014. To be so immersed in God that my every action, every thought, every word would bring honor and glory to the One who deserves all glory. 

Lord, make me weak this year. Make me so dependent on You that people can see You working through this broken heart of mine. Because it's really You working through me. I am nothing on my own. Yet, with You, I have worth. Being. A purpose. Glorify Yourself through me in each day, so that people will ultimately praise You and bring honor to Your Name, because You are so worthy of all the praise here on this earth. Whatever this year may bring, whether suffering or tears or hard work or laughter, may I grow ever closer to You and into the likeness of Your Son. Amen.

Today I Choose to be a Pippin: In Honor of Thanksgiving

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ~ Colossians 3:17

Dear Reader,

So it's Thanksgiving again. That one day where we pull out our best tablecloths, brace ourselves for a frantic day of cooking, and manage forced smiles as guests pull in at the driveway. That one day where we frantically rack our brains for something to share, other than the usual "friends, family, and food" speech. 

And today, as I sit down with a bowl of nachos beside me, I feel so ashamed. Ashamed of myself and my own ungratefulness and how I take all of this wonderful life for granted.

Oh God, I am so hypocritical. 

Recently, He's been teaching me a lesson. I've grown to realize, through family and friends, how easily I'm swayed and discouraged by simple things, whether other people or my own emotions. But God doesn't want that. He hates the ingratitude in me, and He's trying to change me into someone who's constantly thankful, constantly searching for the good in everything, constantly encouraging and positive.

One thing that few people know about me is that I used to struggle with pretty intense depression. I still do occasionally. And one thing I've realized is how self-focused my depression is. I mean, this is me, okay? I've never experienced a serious accident, been deathly ill, suffered emotional trauma. I'm just an everyday teenage girl in the suburbs of Seattle, and my struggles are so minimal. The occasional physics homework. My own un-coordination in karate. The disappointment after too high of an expectation of a guy. Look, I've never even had an official breakup. My troubles are nothing. Yet, I somehow make them into everything. 

And my depression and those occasional bad days taught me some valuable lessons. 

It's when I take my focus off of God and His goodness that I fall. 

It's when I choose to pinpoint and inspect the little dirt specks in my life, instead of the enormous riches I have in Christ, that I fall.

It's when I focus on self and not God that I fall.

Suddenly what he said or what she did seems so important and enormous and powerful. Suddenly what I want seems to be so encompassing that I cannot think of anything else. Suddenly every other good and perfect gift seems so unimportant and minuscule compared to my great burden. 

Forgive me, Lord, for focusing on myself, when everything good and worth-knowing is in You. Forgive me for being so self-centered. Will You help me look to You this Thanksgiving? Will You help me give thanks in You? For You are the crux of everything worth giving thanks for.

Without the cross, our health, our family, our friends can all be snatched away, along with all the joy and thanksgiving in our lives. Without the cross, our thanks-giving becomes a ranting about our temporary happiness. Without the cross, Thanksgiving just becomes a day where we can feel good about our own lives.

Yet, all these things can't satisfy us. Friends nor family nor food nor material goods. Nor money nor fame nor expensive vacations. People will hurt us, either intentionally or unintentionally. Things break and tear, and food gets eaten all too quickly. Nothing lasts for forever, and everything has consequences.

Although these blessings are blessings in the right place in the right time, I understand that they will fail us. Yet, we need to give thanks even when we don't have anything to be thankful for. It's a command. We are commanded to give thanks in all circumstances, even if we have literally nothing. 

And so I've learned whenever depression hits to just stop. Stop thinking about myself and my own problems and start thinking about the Savior and His goodness. Because sometimes bad things do happen and people say mean things and material things get old. We all have those days. But when that happens, we need to be able to look to the cross above the storm.

For only Jesus can truly satisfy.

Only Jesus can enable us to give thanks in all circumstances.

Because seriously, Jesus has bought eternity for me. He has saved me. I was a prisoner to sin. I struggled to do good without any hope of being good. I was blind to myself and my own chains, and He set me free! He really has. Instead of trying to be good, He has been my good enough. And I am so extremely, incredibly blessed to be His child. To be able to be called His daughter and to be loved by the Creator of the universe. To now have the hope of living eternally with Him and enjoying His peace and strength here on earth. That now, when troubles strike, I can lean on the Almighty God above. That I don't need to worry about life and my future because He has the perfect plan in mind for me.

And so I can give thanks and look for the good in everything. I can smile and say with true conviction that I am blessed and all is well and God is good. 

Because when Christ is the center of our universe, nothing can shake us. Everything has a purpose. What he said, what she did, what grade we got - everything matters. God meant for that to happen, and it's all part of His encompassing, sovereign plan.

Because when Christ is our all in all, nothing else matters. Neither the newest iPhone nor that boy in school. Nothing can supply the unconditional love He provides, and nothing can replace or diminish His goodness and grace and mercy and love. Nothing. No one.

Because when all perfect gifts come from the One who embodies all perfection, we can see His signature in everything, in every day. 

I dare you this Thanksgiving to look for God's autograph in the world. To look beyond our own struggles and to see His face through the storm. To become so engrossed in our Savior that nothing, nothing at all will be able to shake our satisfaction in Him. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tolerance, Love, and Truth: Standing Firm for the Right in Right Now

I believe in truth. 
A nonnegotiable, uncompromisable standard of truth that is not open to interpretation. Truth is black and white, and truth is intolerant of personal opinions. 

I will die for truth simply because it's true. 
If my life and death can show others the validity of my beliefs because I value truth enough to sacrifice myself, rather than compromise and so violate my conscience, then so be it. 

I will live out my faith and convictions in that truth because I love people enough to show them the truth.
What I do will reflect that truth, and I will not compromise or give in or back down. My life will stand as an example of a life lived out by the truth for the truth. 

If I don't live for the Giver and Creator and Standard of truth, then who do I live for?

Now that may come across as harsh, intolerant, and bigoted. So please hear me out, as I attempt to present my reasoning somewhat logically. Recently the term "tolerance" has been ranted about in headline news. I've seen these following arguments debated, whether in person, through email, or in Facebook conversations. So since this issue continues to gain popularity, our own views of truth need to be ever strengthened both theoretically and practically.

The type of truth I am about to discuss is the truth strictly portrayed in God's Word. The Bible clearly points out and defines certain sins as sins, such as homosexuality, greed, pride, and adultery. God hates sin, and He commands us as a perfect and holy God to do the same. Throughout the Old Testament, He sets a high penalty for sin: the shedding of blood. When the Israelites committed a crime, whether small or large, they slaughtered an animal in place of themselves and their own blood. Many people have died because they chose to violate God's holy Word, and people today continue in their sin in complete rejection of Christ and His covenant. 

Now, these are nonnegotiable. 

God's truth is nonnegotiable. 

We as believers cannot pick and choose what areas of the Bible to regard as truth. We must either accept the complete Word of God as the very truth and standard for our lives or throw it all away. As children of God, we have an obligation to take on His mindset and conform to the image of His Son, which means adopting His standards of right and wrong. We cannot compromise these sin issues. Christians have a duty to see sin as sin and label it as such. We cannot give in or differ from Scripture. We cannot indulge in or support areas of sin. We are separate, not of the world, but of the Light. 

Let's move on and define what I mean by love exactly. Christians today errantly use the word "love" in two ways.

1) The hard-core, pound-truth-into-you love. 
2) The all-accepting, tolerant love.

Both of these are unbiblical and here's why. First, it's not our place to condemn sinful people. It's our place to show them the truth, but in love! In gentleness and kindness! Shoving the truth down their throats will not help them change or see the sinfulness of their ways. Instead, it may just turn them against Christianity and the shameful hypocrisy of the church. We also were once sinners, stuck in our circular and corrupted mindsets without hope of change, until Christ presented us with a way out of our slavery. It is not our place to condemn them, but to gently show them the truth in humility and gentleness, remembering that we ourselves were no better off, but it's only by Christ's goodness that we now live as children of the one true God.

Secondly, true love does not compromise truth. Tolerance says, "I am fine with what you believe, and even though I think it's wrong, what's right for you is right for you." Tolerant people avoid conflict. They don't want to come across as judgmental, so they suppress their convictions and in doing so smother their conscience and their standard of truth. If something is true, it needs to be lived out in love. Biblical love says, "I love you as a person, and I care about your happiness and wellbeing. However, what you are doing is unacceptable, and I care enough about you to tell you that it's wrong and you desperately need to change. The path you're taking will lead to utter destruction, and I cannot bear to think of you ending up there."

Many Christians today compromise. They don't want to offend their neighbors or friends. They want to demonstrate Christian love, show kindness, and not exhibit hypocrisy or turn others away from Christ by their strict adherence to the rules. They want to support their friends as people with the freedom to choose what to believe. 

And that's all correct and good, but there has to be a boundary. There has to be a point where you step back and say, "I'm not giving in anymore. That's definitely wrong". 

Let's bring up a practical example. Homosexuality is big in today's culture. What if a friend became publicly gay and sent me a wedding invitation? Would I attend? On one hand, I know that numerous passages in the Old and New Testament clearly state that this practice is disgusting and wicked in God's eyes. However, she still is my friend, and I want her to eventually believe in Christ. By attending, perhaps I'll show that I don't judge her, though she engages in practices contrary to biblical standards.

First of all, Christians should not only not indulge in sin, but should not encourage it. By attending the wedding, I am demonstrating moral support. I am going against my moral values and beliefs. I am sending a message that I approve of this lifestyle and my friend's choice. That despite everything my religion holds, I choose to stand by and celebrate her decision. Now that is in strict contradiction to the Christian faith and does not help support its validity.

For example, let's pretend that we have a friend who's a devout Buddhist and vegetarian. He spends much of his time serving at the temple and praying. You've only seen him eating vegetables, and he always is very vocal about his vegetarian beliefs. So far, you have a pretty good view of Buddhism, due to the moral behavior of this particular friend. But one day, you are both invited to a wedding banquet, and there, you see him eating steak. What would your first reaction be? Wouldn't your noble impression of Buddhism and him as a person crumble? 

Paul accused Peter of hypocrisy in the church. When Jews were not present, Peter would eat with the Gentiles, or non-Jewish people of his day. But when the Jews appeared, he would hurriedly switch and avoid eating with Gentiles because he didn't want to be judged by his Jewish companions. He didn't want to offend or make enemies of the Jews, so he tried to look like he shared their beliefs, although in reality, he didn't.

Isn't that the same today? If I believe homosexuality is wrong, but only support that belief in my own private bedroom, isn't that hypocritical? If I'm too scared or ashamed or timid to stand up for my faith and live it out, there's a big problem. And this doesn't just apply to gay weddings. For example, I probably would not attend a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian because it is unbiblical. Or say if my friends are attending a party or watching a movie or discussing things that are blatantly sinful and dangerous to my values. I would choose to adhere to my personal beliefs and stand up for the truth, whether that will mean missing out on the movie or alienating myself from that particular group.

And this stuff is hard. It really is. I'm guilty too of compromising my beliefs to appear favorable to other people. And it takes guts to stand up for the truth, and it's difficult and dangerous. But more and more, I'm realizing how less salty and less bright our Christians have become in the world today. No wonder people condemn us of hypocrisy, because we don't stand up for our core values. Our faith needs to become reality. 

Faith exists to be lived out and practically applied. If faith is not lived out, it is worthless. What is faith for if it is not to be stood up for and defended?

Let's bring up another example, something less controversial. How about Christian friends who turn away from the church? As their friends, we have an obligation to point them back to the truth. However, this doesn't mean we shun them forever or send long emails condemning their wicked ways. We do need to be loving in our approach to reach out to them, but firm. What they have chosen to do is unacceptable and not right, and we need to point out their paths. Perhaps a long talk over coffee will do or an occasional friendly email to check up with them and their beliefs. There are many ways that demonstrate a genuine Christian love without supporting their individual decisions to sin.

Others will argue that standing by truth no matter what will turn others away from Christianity. We are supposed to support people who disagree with us because they have the right to believe whatever they so choose. If we judge them and condemn them with a critical and unyielding spirit, they may become disheartened and completely reject all of Christianity. 

And yes, that's true. I do agree we need to love our brothers and sisters, whether they are murderers, liars, or simply non-Christian. Discrimination and persecution due to religious beliefs or practices are unacceptable. However, we cannot approve of their sinful lifestyle. We can love people without approving of their choices. 

In fact, love is caring enough to show the other person the truth. 

When we stand firm for our beliefs, nonbelievers will more clearly distinguish the truth of our beliefs. If something is true, people will stand by their convictions all the more strongly. And when we demonstrate that our faith is something worth defending, we will shine brighter for our King.

If I had a piece of spinach stuck in my teeth before giving a speech, I would sure hope that my friends would tell me about the problem before I endure eternal humiliation for the remainder of my pitiful existence on earth. Or if I was going to ruin my life through a dangerous relationship, I would certainly appreciate people around me who stopped me from going over the cliff. And how much worse is sin and its devastating consequences of an eternal hell? Don't we care enough for the people around us to live out that truth? To stick by the truth so they can see its reality through us? We owe them that much. At least that much.

Truth is nonnegotiable. And by standing for that truth, we will truly live out our faith and our love to those who need it.


{I would love, love to know your thoughts on this. Send me a message via facebook or email me here: starflower112@gmail.com}

Restraining Pride Through the Cross

Pride. 

It seems unconquerable, all-powerful, insatiable. It appears around every corner, at school, at work, at home. Especially at home. 

And I am so guilty of this. In my daily devotions, I often examine the day before and confess my sins before the Lord, and in doing so, I realize the many wrong things I've said and done because of pride. Because I find myself so much more interesting or intelligent or godly than other people. Because my interests and my goals are so much more worth achieving. I interrupt. I argue. I use my time in the way I want. I criticize. I am so utterly immersed in myself and my own greatness and so deceive myself.

And it's frustrating. Because whenever I try to get rid of pride through my own actions, my pride increases all the more. When I decide to sacrifice my own self-interests to serve others, I congratulate myself. Pat myself on the back for the humble things I've done. Inflate my own self esteem by doing things that are supposed to humble me and bring me down. To knock off my 5 inch stilettos instead of letting them grow. Now isn't that a paradox? 

But other times I ask God for humility in the morning, and my day just flops. Parental lectures, school work problems, friendship issues. And those faceplants hurt. Horribly. It's like God just wrenched off my high heels and left me squirming in the dirt. And it's at those times of spiritual discipline that I can look my pride in the face and see how despicable I've become. So full of myself and arrogant. When God removes my self-worth in school or karate or with my friends, I can see myself as truly empty and helpless. And I need those reminders. I need to be reminded that my worth is found in Christ and all that I am is because of Him and not my own doing. I need faceplants sometimes. 

So is there any hope at all? Is there any hope that we can actually see ourselves without being so blinded and requiring God to break us so utterly to remove our rose-tinted glasses? 

When Jesus Christ came to the earth as the essence of true humility, He made that choice of meekness available for us.

When I look upon the cross, when I gaze upon those rugged beams of wood nailed together, when I realize the enormity of what Christ did for me, pride's grasp weakens. When I see the extent of my sin and the extent of my wickedness and the extent of my evil heart, I can suddenly remove the veil from my darkened eyes and boast in Christ alone. Boast in what He has done because nothing I've accomplished can even compare or stand up to His amazing grace and goodness and holiness and perfection. My own interests don't matter. What I have to say doesn't matter. What I want to do no longer matters because my life is His and my aim is His and my goal in life is for Him and for His glory. 

And that is how I wake up every morning. Acknowledging that I am proud and too full of myself and that God, would You just allow Your Holy Spirit to tell me again of the plan of salvation? Would You just remind me of what Christ did and of His holiness and goodness and of my own incapability to save myself? Will You fill me with an understanding of Your power and help me grasp my own weakness? Help me lean on You today because all that I am is because of You. In Your Name, I trust. Amen. 

Holiness - God's Pursuit in this Work-in-Progress for Perfection

Hi.

There are a few things I'd like to say. 

First of all, I am far, far from perfect. And I write this, just like I write all the other posts in my blog, not because I can, but because I hope to. Not because these are things I have accomplished, but things I want to accomplish. Writing to me is like. . .bleeding. Often I don't even know what's coming to me until I sit down at my computer and confront myself, cutting myself with the pen so I can finally see deep inside. And the things I see surprise me. The things I write surprise me. Half the things I publish I never truly thought of until God revealed that area in my life through daily devotions, Christian books, sermons, or other Christian friends. So just putting that out there. I am not a super Christian. I don't aim to be. I just want to be that one signpost pointing people to the greatness of my God.

And actually it's a bit paradoxical. The closer I get to my heavenly Father, the farther away from Him I feel. The more I understand and grasp His holiness, the more filthy I find myself and my daily habits. And the more I realize His amazing, incredible, absolutely awesome love for me, I feel incredibly unlovable. 

Because when I see how completely holy Christ is in His complete perfection and radiant purity and majestic glory, I cannot help but look down at my own bloodstained rags, torn and drenched in mud and excrement and shudder at the greatness of my sin. The extent of the difference between His holiness and my imperfection. Compared to the greatness and righteousness of Christ, I. . .I am nothing. Worse than nothing. At least nothingness is neutral, yet my sin places me on the negative side of the x-axis. I shudder at myself and wonder how God could love and care for and die for this . . .prostitute. 

I remember the book of Hosea and how that faithful prophet lived out Christ's sacrifice to us through his incredible dedication to his prostitute bride. How Hosea continually pursued Gomer, although she fought and struggled and continually lusted after other men, after other things to satisfy her when all that was good and noble and pure was waiting for her, was pursuing her. And how that prostitute resembles all of us. Although the Creator of heaven and earth desired to have a relationship with us, we ran. We fought. We did everything we could to avoid surrendering to the best life possible with the Creator of the universe. And yet He loved us.

When we realize how good God is to us, how He in his purity reached down to love such vile sinners. . .It's just incomprehensible to me. And I have to collapse and cry with the Psalmist, "Who is man that you are mindful of him? Or the son of man that you care for him? For You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor." 

And sometimes after staring at God's perfection for a while, it's so easy to become disheartened. So easy to give up and dwell in my own saltwater puddle and stop trying for holiness and feel so utterly disgusted at my own failures. Because I fail every day, every second, and life seems like a losing battle. I cannot do what's right, although I know the right thing to do! And it frustrates me so much, and somedays I just want to throw in the towel, curl into a ball, and cry. 

But wait. There's hope. Because although much of our personal sanctification is based on our own obedience and effort, God is working in us. He is pursuing us, not wanting a day to pass without refining our imperfection and removing it and eradicating our sin to make us like His Son. In fact, He promises that He will bring the good work in us to completion, and indeed He will. He is faithful. His promises endure forever, and He never lies. 

So hold on. He is working in You. And this work-in-progress business, it's pretty darn rough sometimes. Sometimes it seems impossible and so incredibly disheartening. But it's not. We have a God who created the universe with all its galaxies and atoms, a God who stopped the sun, a God who conquered the grave who is working in us, and He will not let us go until we are completely renewed and holy and perfect for His kingdom. Let that be a promise to you today, tomorrow. As we fight this fight side-by-side, lean on Him. He will carry you through to the end. He is faithful. I'll see you at the finish line, brother. 

This is My Father's World - Recognizing God's Sovereignty Through the Tears

Do you ever feel tired? 

A bone-weariness poisoning every thought. 

You turn on the TV and once again see death written in between every line. Bombings and terrorist attacks and earthquakes. Or fraud and deceit and the overwhelming discouragement at American politics that seem to go nowhere, accomplish nothing, and yet seem to use more money than we actually possess. The bad guys seem to constantly threaten, constantly take the lead, constantly brutally butcher human bodies and wreck nations and destroy lives. And worse of all, they succeed and prosper while the righteous die and suffer and lose. 

Oh, God, where are You? Where are You in this mess of a world? Where are You amidst the suffering and brokenhearted and tears? If You are good, if You are just, will You just look down from Your throne in heaven above and see? Just see the corruption and evil and wickedness! It's so unjust, God. Why do the wicked succeed and grow fat in their sordid wealth when the righteous and the innocent suffer? Why do we deteriorate at the hands of the wicked? How long, oh Lord, will You continue to be blind? How long, oh Lord, will You turn a deaf ear to our pleas? 

And I'm wondering that in my devotions, scanning the atom-thick paper to see through for an answer. Trying to discover the whys in this unjust world when lightening suddenly rears its head and God tears my heart apart.

Malachi 3:13-15. “'Your words have been hard against me, says the Lord. But you say, ‘How have we spoken against you?’ You have said, ‘It is vain to serve God. What is the profit of our keeping his charge or of walking as in mourning before the Lord of hosts? And now we call the arrogant blessed. Evildoers not only prosper but they put God to the test and they escape.’”

And I tremble, knowing I have violated a commandment in my indignant, self-righteous anger against the Lord and have pointed my shaking finger at God, directing the blame at the Creator of all that is good and holy and perfect while standing in envy at the success of evildoers.

And who am I? Who am I to question the ways of the Almighty and the perfect way He is running the world? Who is this vile sinner that she should violate and blaspheme the name of the wholly righteous Judge? 

And I'm wondering that in church. Standing in between the solid wooden pews, the building carved into solid rock, filled with believers rock-solid in their beliefs, and I am shaking. Trembling. Doubting. Sinking into the sea of whys and gasping for air to fill my lungs and frantically, desperately searching for Jesus, for Jesus to lift me from this death grasp and enable me to trust. And worship songs fly from my lips, while the entire time I am feeling hypocritical. Singing about trusting God and living for Him and praising Him when all that is within me is angry and miserable. When inside I am raising my fist at God above, crying to Him to do something. I am not still. My soul is not well. What is this hypocrisy? And there is this inner war, this brutal death struggle within me while worship fills the air around me. 

And then I come alive.

This is my Father's world

Oh let me ne'er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the Ruler yet.

This is my Father's world!

Why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

I can hear my voice, ringing through the wood and worship, singing loud, singing free. I have forgotten. Forgotten that though the world may appear out of control and disastrous, God is in control. He knows what He is doing. He has a perfect plan. And He will judge the world. He will not let the wicked remain unpunished forever, and justice will reign. Yet He is a gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. 

The prophets knew this. Just ask Habakkuk. The whole book is basically my same question paraphrased. How long, oh Lord? How long? And God answered Habakkuk by reminding him of who He was. 

A holy God, who will judge the world regarding sin and righteousness. 

A just God, who will not let the wicked go unpunished. 

A Sovereign God, who will purify and sanctify and remove the evil among and amidst and within us. 

And Habakkuk responded with praise, thankful that God was in control and in awe of God's glory and holiness and power. 

And so I can praise Him, knowing He has a plan. Knowing He is King over the flood. Knowing He is mighty to save and my Deliverer and indescribable and my strong tower and a Friend of sinners. 

Forgive me, Jesus. Forgive me for doubting. Forgive me for raising my fist against what You have created and supported and caused to happen here on earth. I want to trust You. Oh Lord, strengthen my faith in You. 

Suffering: The Ultimate Blessing

Have you ever prayed for suffering? Prayed for bruised knees and broken hearts and persecution? Prayed to be uncomfortable and hated and martyred?

Death for Christ would be the greatest honor. To not only surrender our lives, but our deaths to Him. That would be the ultimate, ultimate privilege. To be able to die for my King and give my complete all for His glorification, so that even in my death, people can see the validity and greatness of my God in this broken body. 

A false teacher invades the church today, whispering lies, boxing us inside our cramped comfort zones, limiting us because we cannot stand emotional pain, criticism, or ridicule. So often our lives sit on the shelf, gathering dust, because we are afraid to suffer. Afraid to take that cross upon ourselves and risk losing happiness, comfort, friendships. We run from hardship. We run from pain. We run because we love our lives too much to give up anything for God. 

And this selfishness, this personal clenching of fists, is far from biblical. Suffering is not a burden or punishment, but a gift. An opportunity to mature and grow and lean ever closer to our dear Savior. A chance to become more like the One who made us. Suffering breaks us because we need to be broken, for only when we are broken and humbled can we truly, fully rely on Christ and say, "Your will be done". And suffering frees our death grip from ourselves and our possessions. It opens our tense fists and shapes our shaking fingers to open palms lifted high, begging Christ to come down and fill the cross-shaped hole within us.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

The only way we can grow into sanctification is through hardship. 

Through trials and the brutal testing of our faith, we can become perfect. Complete. Lacking in nothing. What goodness is this? That we can be complete, mature, holy. That we can be perfect to the One who commands and upholds all perfection. 

Stars require the darkness of night to twinkle radiantly through the emptiness of space. In brilliant sunshine, stars cannot be distinguished among the other things that shine and glitter. But when distractions are removed, when the sunshine and blessings of life are suddenly obliterated, when all falsity is torn away and all that remains is raw soul, then can we become purified. And suffering does that. It tears away the things we hold dear, desecrating our personal idols and showing us the hypocrisy we live in. It reveals our personal need for Christ and causes His qualities to mature within us. Qualities like patience and joy and kindness and love. Qualities that He lived and died for. 

And gold becomes refined in fire, the impurities dripping away in the heat of the flames. And so it is fitting. As the bellows roar and rage in searing insanity, throughout the craziness and harshness and bleakness of life, we are made holy into Christ's likeness. Although troubles and hardships beat at us and hammer away on these near broken hearts, only then are impurities and dross eradicated. Only then can purity be revealed and developed. Through the fire. Through the flames.

Because of this, we need to praise God through the darkness, learn to appreciate the dirt and the flames. Because all this is good. Good for us. And just like children cannot tolerate vegetables or vitamins or shots or things that are necessary for health, we also shrink from anything that causes pain, not realizing that pain only lasts for a little while, while holiness and godly character last for eternity. 

Suffering is vital to our spiritual maturity. 

"Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

We should run towards suffering, embrace it because it produces perfection and character and hope. 

It's ironic, isn't it? That God would use the seemingly evil and wrong and dark to bring out the light in us that we might shine ever brighter for our King? But hasn't He always chosen the weak to shame the strong, the humble for greatness? That even in the moments when we cannot see the light, we cannot see the hope in the midst of this great darkness, hope is being developed in us. God's hope shines even more brightly in the darkness, drawing us to Him, so His hope can shine on in us. 

And that's why God uses suffering. So He can shine through the darkness ever more brightly and glory might be brought to His Name. He is glorified when we honor Him through our suffering. When we act in godly response to hardship and persecution, the strength and goodness and sovereignty of God are ever more visible. For example, the standing endurance and perseverance of fellow Christians in the midst of physical illness or spiritual difficulties are testimonies of God and His truth. If God were not real, enduring such tribulations would be near impossible. But when we can praise Him through the storm, when we can sing His praises even when everything is stripped away, He is glorified.

Also, during the pain and night-blindness and tears, we do not walk alone. Not only does Christ promise to sanctify us with suffering, He promises that He will always and forever be beside us, not allowing us to endure more than we can handle. And isn't that simply amazing? That we can receive patience and endurance and strength. That we can cry on His shoulder and lean on Him for the next step, for the next second. 

And suddenly the darkness doesn't seem quite so bleak, nor the fire so intense. For what do we fear once that God above is beside us? He is sovereign over all things, the Creator of the world and omnipotent. What shall I fear? Struggles or pain or suffering or tears or heartache? No. Never. When God alone rules over struggles, works through pain, uses suffering, wipes away tears, and heals heartache, shall we resist Him?

And I pray for suffering. Pray that my faith might be tested and strengthened and purified.  For with my God beside me, with my God ever near me, I have the strength to walk through flames.

Oh, God. Make me cherish suffering. Make me open and unresistant to the work of Your Holy Spirit in my heart. Make me like You. Whatever the cost, Lord, use me to glorify Your Name. 

What Is Man's Primary Purpose?

To glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.

Those of you who have recited the Westminster Catechism as a child probably have this phrase engraved in your memory. From the early years of Sunday School, my parents have diligently quizzed me to learn these basic theological principles. But now that I finally have the words inscribed in my brain, what do they actually mean? How can we truly live out our lives for the glory of God? What does enjoying Him look like in our daily lives? I recognize that this is an incredibly deep theological issue. I'm far from a theologian, and I'm not even going to attempt to scratch the surface. If you want more information, Desiring God by John Piper can probably provide deeper insight (that's one of the books on my want-to-read list). All I aim to accomplish through this post is to discover some simple ways to apply this to our everyday lives, so we can live the lives God intended us to live.

So first, the glorification of God. I think Christians should be obsessed with bringing Him praise and glory. Starved and famished and eager to glimpse His awesomeness, and thrilled to bearers of His goodness. And not only in the big things, but in the little details of life, like His creation and the tiny blessings that surround us everyday. We should be fervent to seek out His wondrous deeds, passionate about His magnificence. And when we see examples of His glory, we should readily share our findings with each other and the world, to direct the spotlight from ourselves to Christ. 

Like today in my Physics textbook, I discovered the principle of equilibrium and the balancing of forces. It's incredible really, how our world is shaped by the laws of nature and how often we overlook the fact of God's amazing, incredibly detailed design. Without His foresight and encompassing knowledge to map out these physical laws, our life on earth would not be the same. Or when I flip open World Magazine and witness the amazing ministries God's people are developing around the globe today and the lives that are being transformed by their effective testimony for Him. And our Sovereign Creator really is just so great, and what He is doing is absolutely amazing. Just the other day, I gazed out the window at lunch and admired how the sunlight illuminated the green of the leaves. God's creation really is so beautiful, and how often I overlook it in the busy-ness of my everyday life. Everything fairly shouts His praise and proclaims His power. Shouldn't we also? 

God, You are amazing. Incredible. I can't comprehend Your majesty. And You are so good to me. Often I don't give you enough glory and praise for the little things in my life and the things You are doing around the globe. Will You please reveal Your glory to me? 

And I look around and want to see. Thirst to see. To crave His glory in this world, not only in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm. I open up His word to see His praise scrawled in between every line, His glorious deeds and promises to His people. His faithfulness in the past, and His dazzling plan for the future. And it's glorious. God is glorious. So deserving of all the praise we could ever give. 

Yet praise is beyond thankfulness and recognition. Both are commended, but praise goes beyond just feeling grateful and the acknowledgement that all good things come from God. It points us to the Source of that gratefulness and the attributes in Him that provide the blessings we enjoy. 

Thank You, Lord, for You are holy and just, and You promise to punish and remove all sin and evil on this earth and in me. Thank You for the work of Your Holy Spirit purifying and cleansing me. 

Thank You, Lord, for You are also forgiving and patient with us. We sin and fail so many times, but Your mercy is new every morning. Thank You for Your mercy towards us. 

Thank You, Lord, for You are Sovereign over all things, and nothing on earth happens outside of Your will. Thank You for being in control of my life. I trust You, God. 

Giving God glory is not only acknowledging His presence and goodness in our lives, but enjoying His characteristics and qualities. 

Which brings us to the second point. The enjoyment of God.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him," writes John Piper in the book Let the Nations Be Glad!. (A must-read!)

You see, the two are predominantly linked. When we enjoy God and find true satisfaction in Him, then He is glorified through us. By recognizing His goodness and delighting ourselves with all He has accomplished, we can bring more honor and praise to His name. 

He is worthy of all glory, and when we recognize that, when we acknowledge His greatness, He is glorified.

And enjoyment comes not only through the seeking of His glory around us, but in contentment with Christ and His promises. And this is difficult stuff. I myself can hardly even begin to put this into practice, and writing this post is terribly convicting! I often find myself coveting material goods, worldly practices, freedom to sin, you name it. Instead of being satisfied with the blessings that God has given us and the promises and love and grace and strength He provides, I look to other things and other people for satisfaction. Instead of being satisfied with who He is, I seek satisfaction from the world and other people.

It would be a lie to say that I am wholly satisfied with God. 

But I can begin to put aside the idols inside of me, to knock down my Asherah poles. To remove the temptations and distractions from my heart. And not only that, but to try to obtain a fuller understanding of His goodness. Often I think that it's because of my inadequate view of His goodness to us that I turn aside from the path and seek other things. When we fully grasp His holiness and His love for us and the things He has in store for our lives, we will not so readily desert our Heavenly Father for the cheap trinkets of this world.

A continual study in the Word will allow God's precedence in our lives and provide a true understanding of the blessings we have in Him.

And this is deep stuff. I know people have written extensive books on this topic, and it's like the ocean. Mind-blowingly deep. And there's so much more to be said, so much more to apply from this one area alone. I can't even begin to expose all the layers underneath, let alone understand it all thoroughly. But I can attempt to begin with the little things. Try to seek His glory and try to satisfy myself in Him. And as I attempt to glorify my Heavenly Father, attempt to seek full satisfaction in Him alone, will you try with me? 

Father God, enable me to glorify You today. I am so frail and weak, and I make so many mistakes, but will You just use this feeble human being to bring some glory and honor to Your name today? I want others to see how great You are. Let me be Your lighthouse, Your signpost, Your salt and light here on earth. Jesus, use me to show the people around me of Your goodness and love. Help me reflect who You are, so people can see how truly amazing my God is. Holy Spirit, work through me. Help me be truly satisfied in You, so that I will no longer hunger for the things of this world but be able to fully quench my thirst in You and direct others to the living water found in You alone. I love you, Lord. Strengthen me.

I Don't Support Christian Pessimism

That's a pretty harsh, in your face kind of statement. But it's true. Sure, there are people more easily swayed towards pessimism, those like me, always vigilant and attentive towards that one particular gray cloud in the sky. But just like homosexuality or theft or immorality, God never permits us to yield to inner desires contrary to His will. Pessimism is a choice to sin, and God calls every Christian to throw off discontentment in order to give thanks.

So no, I don't think Christian pessimists should exist. Unfortunately, Christians are also sinners, and sinners like me often fail. For example, the brainchild of pessimism. Complainers.

I'm living evidence of a complainer. Bawling my head off about the rain or the president or other people. This one kid who said this. . .Hey, this stupid website doesn't work. . .There's only leftovers for lunch! That's pessimism for you. People always have good qualities. Opportunities to learn patience are gifts from the Lord. And we should never take food for granted. Although I may disagree with others or fail to appreciate certain decisions, like with President Obama, that's not an excuse for me to grumble. 

When I specifically focus on the problems in life, instead of the many blessings straight from heaven above; when all are problems and problems are all, how can I refrain that voice of mine from trumpeting up to heaven above, voicing my complaints, so all can sympathize and know how absolute miserable I am? It's impossible not to when everything around me has so many visible holes and cracks. 

Not only does the Bible instruct us to focus on what is good and acceptable and perfect and to give thanks in all circumstances, but it also condemns complaining.

Great. Broken three rules with one stone. Guilty. 

Have you ever been asked, "If you had to choose, what food would you pick to eat for the rest of your life?" ? And to be honest, I never know. Because no matter how much I thoroughly love something, like bread pudding or sushi or carne asada for example, I could never eat it straight 3 meals a day for a week. Never ever. You'd hear me complaining at the end of the second day. Or maybe the first, who knows. At this point, I always remember the Israelites in the Bible. They ate manna for 40 long years while wandering in the desert, for goodness sake! If that had been me, I would have been grumbling before and after every meal. If not externally, then internally. I can surely sympathize. Yet, God never let them off or condoned them. Instead He rebuked His people and disciplined them for their ingratitude.

You see, God doesn't encourage pessimists. Pessimists are people who willingly choose to focus on the bad, who search for the blemishes and blots in every aspect of their life. It's a choice. Our Creator commands us specifically to forsake complaints and give thanks in all circumstances. He commands us to see the good in life.

Why though? Why would we willingly seek and run after the little stains? If you really take time to think about it, why would anyone readily choose to direct their attention through the sunshine and thrillingly lightning bolts and majestic thunder to the gloomy corners full of spiders and mice droppings? If I arrived at one of the most expensive banquets on earth, complete with escargot and eclairs and eel and all that fancy stuff that start with e's, and chose to focus on the one little tear on the edge of my linen napkin, chose to complain to the manager and ask for my money back, wouldn't you find me ridiculous? 

That's exactly how Adam and Eve fell from paradise. Because of discontentment. Desiring more than what they already grasped in their hands. They lived in paradise, without sin or death or evil. They had each other and an incredibly personal relationship with the Father, to the point of daily walks beside Him in the garden. And yet, when Satan held out that fruit, tempting them with the lie that they could become like God Himself, they caved. They grabbed that fruit of discontentment and rejection and covetousness and ate, the juice of rebellion dripping down their very chins. And so their world drastically changed, bringing with it dark red pain and seared black sin. And that fruit lives on in us today, in the very blood that courses through our veins. Pessimism channeling through us.

Then how can I say that we are not made pessimists? 

Because we have been remade. The old has gone, the new has come. We are no longer our old selves, slaves to sin and greed and lust and the addiction of wanting more. True, our sin nature still battles within, but the blood in us is Christ's. Our thirst and the hole within has been filled. We have His life and strength and grace flowing through us, providing healing and mercy for our everyday lives. He shed His blood, so His righteousness would live on in our arteries. When God on high looks down on us sinners here on earth, He sees Christ's purity soaking into our every atom and is satisfied. And not only was Christ pure and empowers us to be pure, but He gave thanks. He broke bread and glorified His Heavenly Father. And He commands us and enables us to do the same. His blood flows through us, reviving us, equipping us to live in eucharisteo. 

If Christ, who is the manifestation of everything good, could find God's goodness in this desolate world to give thanks for, can't we? 

And I look around, counting on my fingers the blessings in this very room. The seeable. The unseeable. 

Make me thankful, Lord.

A Soldier Cannot Stand Alone: The Importance of Christian Fellowship

Imagine a single soldier, dressed in proper uniform with a machine gun slung over one shoulder. He rises from the muddy trenches, body painfully alert, and marches straight for the enemy a few thousand yards ahead. The rest of his comrades huddle together in the trenches with bated breath, nervous for their own turn. Their own execution, the guillotine slicing down by their own trembling hand. The enemy stand smirking ahead, thousands of men facing a lone soldier. 

Obviously, this is suicide. He will die, without accomplishing anything of worth. Anyone can see that. But that soldier on his self-destructive mission was me.

Before this summer, I was proud, overconfident in myself and my beliefs. I simply enjoyed Christian fellowship for the sake of fellowship and laughs and refreshments. Never in the world would I have admitted that I needed it for spiritual growth, for the spiritual vivacity of my own life. But I was so, so wrong! During this flash-flood of a summer, I gradually came to realize my need for good, solid Christian fellowship for the furthering of spiritual growth.

First of all, in July, I attended Worldview Academy, a Christian camp that trains youth in biblical leadership and apologetics. Before I went, I thought myself to be a veteran Christian, solid in beliefs and convictions. I thought that I could mature by myself without the input or advice of other believers. I thought I was good enough. But when I arrived at Worldview, I encountered giants of the Christian faith, people who were truly superglued in their convictions and desire to serve Christ. Their love for Jesus and for each other was extremely evident in the way they served each other and welcomed me into their community. I built incredible friendships with incredible Christians, and the conversations we had triggered a raging spiritual hunger inside of me. My mouth watered. I was hooked. Never had I perceived so clearly the extent of my dissatisfaction of my own humble cooking of Eggo and frozen dumplings. I knew then that I needed rock-solid, concrete Christian friends as my reinforcements and supports, to provide the life-giving steak and potatoes that get me through the minefields of life.

Then, I flew into a rather distressing time period in my life, complete with sleepless nights and puffy eyes and gallons of tears. God utterly and deliberately broke me, I can see that now. He had a glorious plan through the sea of pain, but during that moment, I felt so alone and furiously angry and hurt. And during that time, I poured out my heart to a few dear friends, and I am so incredibly thankful for them. A simple "how are you doing today?" motivated and encouraged me. Their beautiful hearts and care and love for me was the strength I lacked to get up from bed sometimes. And again, I realized that I cannot traverse this life alone. That I really am not strong enough or good enough or capable enough. I need people in my life, emboldening me, guiding me towards godliness in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Once again, the Lord taught me dependence on other believers at the annual Living Hope Bible Church Labor Day Retreat. We had the opportunity to listen to various sessions about making decisions and the will of God from Dr. Greg Koukl. And many times, I just could not grasp the concept or understand the messages. Frustrating, right? But there was always, always someone to ask. Someone who sacrificed a few minutes of free time to listen, to answer and understand me. And I realized how much I appreciated the practical wisdom and guidance of older and wiser brothers and sisters in Christ.

And the more I grow, the more I understand that we're all in this together (cue the song). That I need these godly influences in my life. That I cannot do this by myself. And the more I look around me, the more I notice the innumerable occasions where I have grown through the helping hand of other believers in Christ. 

And I am so grateful. For the opportunities to ask questions, to learn, to grow among people I admire so much, whether in the church or other Christian environments. For the sense of family and trust and community. For even simple activities like playing board games together or sharing laughs over Truth or Dare Spoons. For the adults and older teens who reach down through the barriers of age and experience to understand us youth. For people who care. There's so many names I could name, and I am so incredibly thankful. I am thankful for this unity. I am thankful that I can be part of such a beautiful family. And I am so thankful for this little bit of heaven that I can experience here on earth. 

When You're Dead Tired of This Mess

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

("Worn" - Tenth Avenue North)

Some days erode me. Rub down my edges until I am nothing but a round pebble, unable to cut myself free from life's tangled mess that threatens to strangle all this blessed life from my lungs. 

I cannot breathe. 

All this sin. All this death. All these tears. 

Oh, God, I am so very tired. I am so tired of heaving myself out of bed each morning, of grappling these spiritual battles, of wrestling the Mr. Hyde in me. I am tired of facing the altar and permitting Your Holy Spirit to cut my heart open once again to unveil the darkness inside. Open heart surgery hurts. This purging of sin hurts. And attempting to live for You and Your glory by shouldering this leaden cross hurts. 

And oh, God, I am so tired of seeing this mess in the world of fighting and murders and catastrophes. I am so tired of seeing criminals day after day who sense no shame at committing the indescribable. I am so tired of seeing people die in their guilt-soaked selves while they raise their fists and curse God without even meeting the God they curse.

Oh, God, this world is broken. And I am tired of trying to heal it all by myself.

I flip open the Bible to John 14, the passage I always turn to for comfort when I cannot stand any longer. 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

This life is not for forever. This mess of violence and heartache will not last for eternity. This removal of sin and continual purification will end. I have a predetermined place in heaven. A one-way ticket to live with my blessed, blessed Savior. I will never have to leave Him. Oh, to be with the One who loves me so unconditionally for infinity! And Christ is preparing heaven for me, perfecting it for my arrival. Christ is coming to take me to be with Him forever and ever, to live with my God and my King who died for this broken heart of mine. And there will be no more tears, no more death, no more pain. And He will reign victorious, and I will be part of His glorious reign. Hallelujah.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

Christ promises to accomplish His work through me, to use this broken soul for His glorious, triumphant plan, to do magnificent works in the lives of others like Christ Himself. Who am I to be part of His ministry? That I have been integrated into His will? Oh, God, I am undeserving. You are too good to me. And all I desire is to be part of Your plan. To be able to bring You glory because that is the utmost of man. To bring You as much glory as we possibly can because You are so deserving of all the praise and honor in this world. 

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him. These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you."

The Holy Spirit dwells in me. God Himself dwells in me. Wow. I am not alone, for God Himself, the Creator of heaven and earth, the Savior of the world, and the Sustainer of the universe lives in this broken clay vessel. Who is man that you are mindful of him or the son of man that you care for him? You are too good to me. And the world cannot understand. They continue to relish injustice and sin because they do not know there's something better out there. They cannot understand the workings of the Holy One. One day, I will live with Him, away from the sinfulness of the world. And if I love God, if I surrender to my blessed Redeemer, God the Father and God the Son promise to love me. They promise to show their glory to this sinful soul. And I cannot help but feel incredibly loved. That the God of the universe would look down and love and care for this vile sinner down on earth. Thank You, Jesus. 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place you may believe. I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no claim on me, but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father."

I don't need to worry about or fear this brokenness of a world. Jesus provides me with His peace because He is stronger than the prince of the world or any of his minions, and His justice will ultimately rule. His Word stands true, for Christ ascended to heaven to claim victory over death and now rules in His divine kingdom, awaiting the time when we can arise and live with Him forever.

I can breathe again. And I breathe. I cannot contain the smile any longer, and I smile. God's promises are beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful! I shout to the world. Look at how amazing my God is! Look at how He can redeem even a broken sinner like me and inject life into my limp veins until I can fairly implode with His glory! And I can live! I can live because I have a God who lives in me and I can spend eternity with Him forever. And I rise from my bruised knees and I stand with hands lifted high.

How great is our God.