For 2015: A Poem Paraphrased from Psalm 107

{paraphrased from Psalm 107}

... some wandered in desert wastes, their soul fainting within them. they searched for a city, lacking food, lacking water, lacking sustenance, lacking hope. some sat in darkness, for they had rebelled against the words of God. they had been fools through their sinful ways, and their courage melted away in their evil plight. in the darkness, they realized their own brokenness and they too lost hope. 

weary travelers lost in the darkness.
fools captive by their own chains.
us.

then we cried to the Lord in our trouble, and He delivered us from our distress. 

He led us faithfully by a straight way until we reached a city to dwell in. He brought us out of the shadow of death and burst our bonds apart. He calmed the storm and made the waves be still, and He brought us, broken sailors, to our desired haven.

for He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things.

let us praise the Lord, for He has brought us to dine on the riches of His love, though we are undeserving. 

let us attend to these things, for the Lord delights and takes pleasure in us.

let us consider the steadfast love of the Lord, how He has walked alongside us for the past days and how He will forevermore.

through the winds and the waves and the desert and the chains, our God has been faithful.

selah.

No Strings Attached: A Rant About the Refugee Situation, the Homeless, and Giving

"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"

{Matthew 5:46-47}

Do we truly understand what it means to give with no strings attached, no end goal in mind?

Jesus transformed water into wine, multiplying loaves and fish to feed and provide for thousands. He poured Himself out for His people, healing the sick, allowing the blind to see, the lame to walk. He cared for the broken, the lonely, the infirm, the outcast. And at the end of a life of sacrificial giving, the very people He loved for thirty-three years turned Him in, calling for his death, calling for blood. I can't imagine Christ's pain, to hear the very voices that once thanked and worshipped Him demand His crucifixion. 

Christ devoted His life towards ministering and loving a man who would later betray Him for a few silver coins and a people who would turn their backs on their Creator. 

Yet, He thought it worth it. He saw nothing wrong with sacrificing His love and time and energy for an ungrateful, unworthy people.

He gave, pouring Himself out for people He knew would betray Him.

He gave, knowing His gifts would be trampled upon underfoot.

He gave, knowing the loaves and fish would feed people living in sin, refusing to repent, refusing to see.

He gave.

And when we as believers have Christ's sacrifice as our example of giving, why do we see so much hatred around us towards refugees, men, women, and children fleeing for their very existence? Why do we close our doors to individuals who desperately need care and Christ's love? Why do we neglect the homeless, driving by without a second thought to the human being behind that cardboard sign?

Is it really giving if we have conditions, if we need to foresee a good ending, if we have our own standards, "if we only let in law-abiding citizens," "if the money goes to good use," if we only give to those who care for us, if we only give to our own people, if we only give to get good results and to fulfill our own agenda? "Do not even the pagans do that?"

"Innocent before proven guilty." Has that mindset reversed to where we no longer give with open hearts and open hands to a hurting world? Perhaps they don't deserve our money. Perhaps they will simply spit upon our time. Perhaps our efforts will be in vain. Perhaps out of a hundred, ninety-nine will use our cash for drugs and our handouts for a lifestyle of crime or dependence on the government. But if we can help one person, if we can clothe one individual and provide him or her with shelter and a meal, if we can open our doors and have one man, woman, or child experience Christ's love, isn't that worth it? 

Yes, we should give wisely. But all I know is that I don't want to be the one standing in the way of a human being receiving the love of Christ. 

We have been given. And so we must give.

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’"

{Matthew 25:44-45}

Trust: Not a Prerequisite, but a Product

Trust

/trəst/

"assured 

reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something"

{http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust}

Love is a risky thing. There is no way to love safely, to pour out emotions and hearts and souls into another sinful human being and never come away with a few scrapes and bruises. But yet, after all is said and done and blows have been dealt on either side, I think we as human beings approach forgiveness and love and trust in the wrong way. 

We look at love as if people need to deserve our love first before we grant it. 

We scramble to pick up the broken pieces of our own lives and relationships in order to forgive and look past wrongs without ill-intent. And then we attempt to trust again and regain trust but regaining belief and conviction a person that has wronged us is a task that takes time and consistent integrity and effort. And then, after we can fully forgive and fully trust, then we say we love. Only until we can fully reconcile and overlook past wrongs do we dare to love, to regift ourselves. 

We are scared. We are scared to love unconditionally so we put up little parameters, little boxes to check off. First we must be able to forgive, second to trust, and then we can finally check off love. Love is a risky, dangerous, scary thing, and so we shrink from it to protect ourselves, finding conditions and requirements before we can fully pour ourselves out for another human being. 

But God doesn't love us with prerequisites. 

If love has to be deserved or earned, we would never be able to merit the abundant, breathtaking love of God.

He loves us with a radical kind of a love. A love that is not dependent on our response. A love that is unconditional, without conditions. When we were unlovable, dead in our sins, living in rebellion against Him, and hurting the very One who created us in our rejection of Him, He loved us. He loved us though there was no reason for Him to forgive us. And because of the riches of His love, He forgave us, piling blessings of grace upon blessing. Because of His love, He saved us, making us right with Him.

Love comes first. Without love, we cannot hope to overlook past wrongs, because truth is, people have wronged us and we have wronged others. People will break our trust time after time again, and we will never completely deserve the trust of others. 

If trust and forgiveness are prerequisites for love, we will never be able to truly love because we are broken people.

If trust and forgiveness are prerequisites for love, we will never be able to be loved because we are broken people.

The past few months I have struggled with trust. Struggled to trust and struggled to earn trust. But I've realized that I've been approaching trust wrong. 

Trust isn't a prerequisite for love. It is a product of love.

Trust is what love does. Trust is a result of a 1 Corinthians 13 type of a love, a love that is patient, kind, not easily irritated. It comes from a love that endures all things and hopes despite all odds. A love that is long suffering. 

God loves us unconditionally, without conditions. When we begin to love the way God loves, when we look beyond ourselves and love another human being sacrificially with patience and joy, we can trust because we love. When we patiently work with one another in our weaknesses, when we humbly put the wellbeing of others before ourselves, when we stifle our anger, when we choose not to bring to mind the faults of others, when we persevere with one another, we can begin to trust and forgive. 

I am undeserving of trust and forgiveness. But I receive trust and forgiveness from God and from others around me because they love me more than I could ever deserve. And in the same way, I desire to love radically, in abandonment of self because that is how my God loves me. 

Beauty in the Brokenness: Reflections After a Week of Working Alongside Sacred Road Ministries

"If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."

{Isaiah 58:10-11}

Spending a week at the White Swan reservation in Yakima, WA, left more than a few dried splatters of paint on my arms and dirt under my nails. How can a week living and learning and loving under a 105 degree sun, holding a child grimy with dirt in your lap or slathering slate blue paint on walls and caulking cracks in between boards or singing God's praises with tens of youth or watching the interns love and care for and carry and give piggyback rides and pour themselves over the children with the most beautiful smiles that must touch the heart of God Himself not change someone? To see a ministry living and active and completely overflowing with service in the footsteps of Jesus and to see the changed lives of the children and youth and interns and the beautiful church building and the hearts of those serving. . . how could it not leave an impact on my life? 

To wake up to a beautifully arid landscape and to see Mt. Adams framing the dry landscape and finding roadkill a few miles down West Wapato Road and to arrive at church only to pack a sack lunch and head off to a wonderfully challenging day at worksite painting and roofing and building to bless the community only to arrive back in the afternoon for kids club and to hold and carry and play with the young and dirty and forgotten and yet their smiles and their beautiful, bright eyes just stay with me until we head back to rest and fellowship under the light of a golden, full moon.

When I left last week, I was filled with worry over my own life, and the pages in my journal were filled with fear and uncertainty and insecurity. I was focused on my own hardships and struggles and the little things someone said or did. But arriving at Yakima, my view of myself and God were disoriented and torn from their self-centered perspective. I had to ask myself, do I believe that God is sovereign over all this pain? Is He is control over the physical and sexual and emotional abuse of the children and the economic hardships of the families and the alcohol and drug problems and the broken hearts and uncared-for toddlers? Is He in control and active in the hurting community with mothers younger than me and children wandering around with only diapers and lice in their hair and those who are hurting, hurting in ways that I could never imagine?

And when I looked around and saw the changed lives and the love poured out on the very least, I could say yes. Yes, God is working. Yes, God is turning many towards Him through the examples of His children working faithfully to bring Him honor and praise. I saw the lives on the interns and families and those who trust in Christ, and I saw lives of joy and peace and contentment in the Lord and His work. He is in complete control over each situation, and He is so very, very good.

And if He is control of the abuse and the pain and heartache and the things that break my heart, is He not also in control of my own life? Of the little things that make me worried, of ruined to-do lists, a few hurtful words, healing friendships? Is He not holding the whole world in His hands, holding the lives of those in White Swan and holding mine as well?

Your plans are still to prosper

You have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood

You're faithful forever

Perfect in love

You are sovereign over us

And tonight of all nights on July 4th, drunken parties and abuse and the brokenness rages on more than ever in White Swan, and as I reflect on this fact that's so, so wrong, I can't help but cry out and weep over the pain, knowing my God weeps as well. I take comfort in the fact that God's name Emmanuel means God with us, and God not only with me, but God with White Swan and each suffering child and hopeless mother and wounded father and God with Sacred Road, blessing that ministry and allowing it to blossom. God is in the pain. He hears the cry of each child, and He holds them close in His arms. But He's not just leaving the hurt as black and deep as it is, but He's working and moving, creating something glorious and hopeful and peaceful and beautiful, an oasis of joy and beauty in the midst of the blackest pain.

This week I had the chance to "come and see," and I saw. I saw brokenness, but I saw beauty. The beauty of Jesus' heart beating and His love poured out to the children and youth and adults, and I saw the beauty of changed hearts and lives of people once living in sin brought to His feet. I saw the beauty of the interns and teams and families faithfully and diligently working in the heat to love those who Jesus loves. Life is full of brokenness, but we do have a God who is sovereign over our worries and fears and a God who turns our brokenness into something beautiful to shine brightly because of the hope we have in Him. 

Although we are weeping 

Lord, help us keep sowing 

The seeds of Your Kingdom 

For the day You will reap them 

Your sheaves we will carry 

Lord, please do not tarry 

All those who sow weeping will go out with songs of joy 

The nations will say, "He has done great things!" 

The nations will sing songs of joy

Christianity: How to Find Eternal Satisfaction 101

All too often, people view Christianity as the austerity of monks, as a religion of burdens and rules and regulations and obligations, a certain code of self-sacrifice and self-denial, a road filled with hardship and difficulties and trials and self-abandonment. And while yes, Christ does call us to die to self and live to righteousness, what if I told you Christianity was about finding an indescribable treasure? Of savoring and worshipping and praising and adoring and finding an eternal, never ending source of satisfaction? That the pathway to such treasure may be filled with pitfalls and rocky obstacles, but throughout the journey, we can rejoice every step of the way? 

Such is the call of the Christian, not to live a joyless life, but to live a joy-full life. 

To live a life so drenched in satisfaction with Christ that our joy might overflow and drops of living water fall from our thoughts and words and actions, so that others might thirst and desire and find eternal treasure above.

We are called to treasure, to savor, to run our tongue along the cracks of Christianity, of God's free grace and steadfast love and constant mercy and renewed forgiveness and His ability to keep us from falling, so that others can see us rejoicing in God's goodness and their mouths might water in return.

Often I find that my opinions are tainted by those of others. If my friends enjoy a particular song or movie, my expectations and appreciation for the film or music will increase as well. In the same way, when we as children of God demonstrate that immense love and satisfaction can be found within Christ, when we live out and praise and share of the joy of Christian living, this will invite others to see and treasure God with us in return. 

John Piper once wrote, "The way we honor Christ in death is to treasure Jesus above the gift of life, and the way we honor Christ in life is to treasure Jesus above life's gifts." 

We are called and commanded to treasure Christ.

However, that's not a tiresome task or a burdensome chore, but a privilege. A privilege to fully find that yes, God is good and all He does is good and He is our Rock and Refuge in that whatever happens in life, we can trust Him, for He is eternally constant and faithful and will finish the work He has begun in us. It's a privilege to be children of the Creator and to find worth and value in our salvation, not in our works, and to recognize that we have significance because we were designed and crafted by the King of Creation and He loves us and we can spend our eternity with Him. It's a privilege to be loved and cherished by the One who made us, and it's a privilege to serve and honor Him with our lives.

The ability to treasure and savor and delight ourselves in Christ is a gift. 

Because we were broken people who rejected the very One who made us in hopes that we could find something better in the world around us. But we were so very, very wrong, and in our rebellion, in our depravity, we destroyed the beautiful relationship we were made for. Yet, God in His goodness restored our relationship with Him, so we can now know Him and worship and treasure the One who made us and call Him Abba Father. We can now live joy-filled lives that reflect and tell of all He has done for us.

Sure, there may be difficulties in life that we must persevere through, but though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea and though its waters roar and foam, God is good. And we can find our security and satisfaction and joy in Him and in Him alone. 

Christianity is a religion of never-ending, eternal, constant joy. Joy not based in things or people, but joy based in the Faithful One who will never leave nor abandon us. And because of that, we can savor. We can treasure Jesus, drinking deeply of the Fountain of Life and overflowing praise of His grace and love to life's brim. 

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation." {Psalm 68:19}

Running After Soap Bubbles

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

- C.S. Lewis

"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."

- Saint Augustine

We were all born with a unquenchable thirst, an insatiable appetite. We all desired something that could appease our self-esteem and bring safety and security and satisfaction.

We were born thirsty, and so we began to drink from the cup the world provided. We drowned ourselves in the temporary pleasures of life, gorging ourselves on sex, money, fame, success, drinking ourselves drunk on shifting shadows. We lost our minds, our desires, our happiness to the fleeting pleasures of this life, working for grades and people and green pieces of paper that could never truly fill the gaping hole within our hearts. The more we drank, the more we felt the emptiness inside and continued drinking, consuming the world's food to conceal our growing hunger. At the same time, our appetite changed, complied, conformed, until all we wanted, all we desired were these temporary pleasures. We began to lose our taste for the supernatural, in the same way a Starbucks-only coffee drinker can never truly appreciate anything else. Our taste became cheapened by the trinkets of earth. We indulged ourselves in these corporeal amusements, looking only to the world for a satisfaction it could not provide.

The truth is we fell for trash. And we still do. In our limited vision, we fail to keep in mind the eternal weight of glory that awaits and run after carnal pleasures. We trade away the spiritual blessings God provides and the comfort and strength that come from heaven for the gaudy baubles of this earth. We fall head over heels for little pleasures that keep us entertained one second and leave us ravenous for more. 

I am so guilty of pursuing soap bubbles. So often I lose sight of God's amazing grace and look to people for security, grades and plastic trophies for satisfaction. And while temporarily these things hold up under my weight and dependence, eventually they give in. Over the last few months, I've realized that all too often, I place my hope and security and joy on these temporary things. I try to find rest and satisfaction in what this world provides, instead of looking to the only One who can satisfy the ache within. 

King Solomon had it all. He had fame, wealth, success, women. He had everything the world could offer at his command, and yet he realized that life was empty without God. In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon describes the futile pursuit of worldly pleasures. His search to find happiness and fulfillment in the world resulted in vanity, and he was left thirsty, restless, desperate. He was a man who had pursued soap bubbles and found them lacking. Yet, at the end of the book, Solomon cries out a warning to remember our Creator, to fear God and keep His commandments. Though he experienced everything this world could offer, Solomon understood satisfaction and security come from heaven and a healthy fear of the Lord, not from temporary pleasures.

Christ has not just left us restless and searching. Though this world can never truly quench our thirst, there is a Fountain overflowing with living water that we are invited to partake. A Fountain that can wash away our sins and satisfy our longings once and for all in its springs of living water. I guess that's why God created our thirst in the first place, so our search for fulfillment can eventually lead us to Him. He made us thirsty to point us heavenward in order that on earth, we can not only enjoy that Fountain, but also share that living water with others. To pour out the blessings of His grace and point others to Christ for satisfaction and security.

Not only do we have this hope here on earth, but we also have the hope of heaven, where we will no longer feel like aliens and pilgrims on a journey, but where we will finally be home. That quote from C.S. Lewis sums this up perfectly. This world cannot satisfy our desires, because quite frankly, this world is not our home. We were created for another world, and nothing on earth can ever bring complete fulfillment. Yet this desperate search for water directs our gaze upwards to a place of physical, emotional, and spiritual satisfaction. We were created for the supernatural, and while the carnal cannot satisfy, the eternal can. 

This world is full of mirages, and we run to shimmering shadows of water but find them deceiving. We are weary, weary in our unending search for fulfillment, weary in running after soap bubbles. Yet Christ invites us to drink at His feet, to drink and drink our fill in the presence of His grace and lovingkindness. The choice is up to us.

When Your Life is Held in the Hands of the Creator God

I don't think I've made it through a day without worrying. 

Doubting in my own insecurity and questioning my own choices and friendships and decisions and wondering if I really am capable of moving out in an year to step out into the unknown. Trying to figure out things on my own and feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and small in the light of the life-changing turns ahead. 

I'm guilty of worrying.

I'm guilty of not trusting that my life is planned out in detail for God's glory and my good by my Heavenly Father. 

I'm guilty of moving and fighting and searching, rather than simply being still and knowing that He is God and accepting that all things are held within the palm of His hand. 

-

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
{Psalm 46:10, ESV}

-

Sometimes in the light of our everyday lives, we forget who God is. We forget to be still and meditate on His attributes and reflect upon His characteristics. We forget to know and be in awe of the majesty and glory of our Creator. 

In the Systematic Theology class I'm attending at church, we've recently gone over God's omni- attributes, His power and all sufficient knowledge and ability to be in all places at all times. And these thoughts of God, contemplating theology proper, have brought me comfort and peace, knowing that my life is treasured and mapped out by my Heavenly Father.

His omnipresence, God's ability to be completely everywhere at one point in time. To know that my Heavenly Father, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, is always with us, and that we can cry out to Him for wisdom and strength and joy, should bring peace. Even though life may be chaotic and decisions may be difficult, He is Emmanuel, God with us, anytime, anywhere, in the midst of the storm and the confusion and the hardships or when we realize how infinitely blessed we are and life seems to be going well. God is always near. And that thought blows my mind.

His omnipotence, God's ability to do anything and everything consistent with His own nature. God promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him, and we know through His strength, He will follow through. Even though things may seem humanly impossible or complicated, God is all-powerful and we can ask great things of the Almighty God. Rather than worrying or taking things into our own hands, we can trust Him to accomplish everything in accordance to His will.

His omniscience, God's ability to know everything. He understands our weaknesses, our needs, and our desires. He understands what we're struggling through, the little things that try our patience, the tough life decisions we have to make, the complex friendships and relationships in our lives. He knows. And we don't need to worry, for the Creator of the universe who knows all things, including what is best for us at each moment in time, will work all things together for our benefit and His glory, through His perfect power and knowledge and presence.

Worry is a sin.

Worry is doubting the ability of our Creator to know and to act.

Worry is challenging the strength of the Lord to act upon what is best for us, questioning the sovereignty of the Lord and His plan for our lives. 

Worry exists in the absence of a proper fear of the Lord. 

But when we develop a fear and reverence for the Lord, when we contemplate His attributes and find joy and peace in His greatness, when we deliver our cares over to an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God, our worries melt away. We have a God greater than our fears and more powerful than our insecurities who loves us and pursues His glory and our good. We can live each day, trusting Him and His attributes, finding comfort that our lives are in nail-pierced hands.

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"Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."
{Psalm 55:22, ESV}