Living Life to the Fullest (3-Point Series) - #3 Unconditional Surrender

(Please read the two preceding posts before proceeding at your own risk. Because this post could possibly alter you as it altered me during this writing process. . .)

3. Surrender. Relinquishing one’s self entirely into another’s will.

Because this life is not my own. It’s Christ’s.

And when I fully grasp that concept of unconditional and immediate surrender, my life can truly be the life God desires.

Yesterday when I insisted so crazy hard to prove that one point about bees’ nonexistent saliva. Or when I swore in all acrimony after stubbing my toe. Or when I grumbled about dinner. Was I Christ?

And I struggle to comprehend this identity of mine. That whatever I do, whatever I say represents Christ. That I cannot possibly live to satisfy self because this life is a gift. A gift from God ruling sovereign in heaven above that cannot be abused for my own selfish pleasure.

How often I forget this.

I form my own decisions for my own self-serving, self-seeking motives. And how often I forget to surrender each day to God and ask Him before creating my own personal agenda.

In Christ, we are new creations. The old has gone, the new has come. We need to live like it. But I struggle with doing what’s right. So often my own will dominates…

My thoughts. The most unholy part of me. Full of anger and hate and irrational emotions. Full of unspoken cuss words. So crammed full of passion, whether anger, love, or fear. And when I fully examine the thoughts that run through my brain, line after line, I either fall in demonic love with my depravity or utterly despise myself. What a wretched sinner I am.

My words. The hate-full speech ranting against people and their Creator. Complaints when all I deserve is eternal judgment and fire and brimstone and hell. The few uttered letters can form so much heartache for another but they just burst from nowhere and tear cardiac muscle apart from muscle and I can see tears welling up but my heart feels a vicious pleasure in tearing soul apart.

The entertainment I spend my time on. Books, movies, music. And I gaze at lyrics, and my heart tears up inside, because I know God is not pleased. Because I feel suddenly mortified that I have made this life my own instead of Christ’s. He died for me. He died to purchase this disintegrated life of mine for His glory. Not so I can waste it on trash. Or the simple activities that I enjoy suddenly become idols, encompassing God’s incredible glory in my heart. Such worthless things of themselves. How do I allow them to take the place of the Almighty Lord and Savior?

Oh Lord, forgive me.

And each day, I have to force myself back onto that altar. Force myself to hold the icy razor knife blade against my chest and the desires that swarm inside of me, threatening to once again gain control. Force myself to shoulder that heavy splintered cross of self-denial.

And it’s hard. Everything in me shrieks to flee, to turn away, to deny Christ for the sake of self. My sin seems so enticing. I want to give in, to yield to my animalistic side, to scream, to fight, to utterly demolish anything or anyone that stands in the way of my desires.

But. I can’t. I know I can’t. And this is the struggle of all believers who now know the Truth but cannot find the strength to obey it.

But Christ provides the strength and grace to lift that leaden cross onto our bruised shoulders. He enables our weak knees to trudge one step after the other and live one second at a time for Him. True, we stumble. True, we fall in all our brokenness. But in true compassion and love, Christ lifts us in His arms and carries us when we do not have the fortitude in ourselves to carry on.

And it is in that crucial moment when we ourselves cannot retrieve the strength in ourselves to surrender to Christ that we have to run to Him. We need Him to allow us to surrender because we cannot drop that gun by ourselves. Only His grace can cause the white flag inside our hearts to rise. Only His grace can save us and make our lives truly fulfilled.

And when we truly grasp the concept of surrender, we can more fully pray and give thanks. When we realize that this life does not belong to us but has been bought by Christ’s righteousness, our lives will change. The way we live will change, because it is no longer us living, but Christ living through us.

Surrender.

It’s a difficult concept, but once grasped, our lives will truly change. Then, we will indeed live the way God intended us to live.