We walk around life with brown paper bags over our faces.
Trying not to let them in or let them see, trying to be the perfect girl society says we have to be. We conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Icy chunks of ice, frozen solid, while deep inside, we're melting.
Sometimes we slather on eyeliner and mascara simply because we're insecure. Because sometimes we shrink from the tired-eyed ghost reflecting in front of us and we grab brushes and paint to try to change the fact that we're humans with natural flaws in all our bleary eyes and pock-marked skin. So we smear on concealer, trying to disguise our weaknesses behind a false veneer.
Oh God, why do we do this?
That's how we walk through life, isn't it? We stroll through with masks and facades, hiding behind our plastic surgeries, trying to appear picture perfect.
When makeup is simply a pitiful endeavor to hide our weakness from others, from God.
Imagine, a classroom, a soccer field, a church full of the desperate yet full of pretense. Full of people pretending that life is good, pretending that the sun still shines, while everything around them lies frozen and bleak and so piercingly cold.
Lord, we have so many empty shoulders around us, so many shoulders to lean on and cry against. Yet why does pride imprison us within ourselves? Why do we walk this journey alone?
Because we're proud. Because we care about self-image. An image of big eyes, full lips, right body proportion. Independence. The ability to do everything on our own. Isn't that how America was established? The belief that yes, we can work to better ourselves, and through our own effort, we can build our own future. By ourselves. Yes, this is me. So self-deceivingly prideful. Nose high in the air, tripping over my five inch stilettos.
But deep inside, those eyes are quivering with unshed tears, as we bite those full lips, trying to contain the hurt inside, body aching with stress and worry. Because the truth is, we can't. We can't do everything by ourselves.
But yet we still stand apart. Apart from each other. Apart from God.
This is ridiculous.
People suffering under one giant tent, but yet each one encages themselves, holding onto invisible bars, shutting out everything and everyone. And not only that but we have a Savior in that tent with us. A Savior who defied death and sin to redeem His children from the judgment of eternal darkness, and who promises to never leave us nor forsake us. His love is unconditional. And still we hide away in our own little dusty corners rather than throw away our pride.
So here I am today, admitting that I am broken. I am weak. I am proud. And I won't lie to you. These past three weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I've had some of the best days of my life, and God has blessed me with so much. Yet, these past weeks have really worn me out at times, and I've discovered how weak I am. People and things have broken me, and sometimes I feel so incapable and worn and indecisive. Also, it's that time of year again where we have to plan next year's school schedule, and sometimes things are just frightening. Like the choices I make now will deeply affect next year and the year after that and college and life, and I just have no idea.
But yet here I am today, ripping away the frozen mask, letting it go to the icy wind, arms out wide, face bared to the world. Shredding that brown paper bag of mine and burning all my mascara, all my pride.
It takes one person to open up.
It takes one person to make others feel secure.
It takes one person to let others know that suffering is universal and these masks, this makeup, these paper bags are useless.
Alone we cannot overcome life's difficulties. But together, with our heavenly Savior and our spiritual brothers and sisters, yes, yes, we can.
We're all in this together.
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