Hi all,
I'm in the process of transitioning my blog over to WordPress, so you can find my future thoughts here:
https://toembracethenations369.wordpress.com
Amanda
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Letter Back Home: I Changed My Major on Day Two and Other College Thoughts
I sought the Lord, and He answered me. He delivered me from all my fears.
We serve a God who answers prayer.
The week before leaving Seattle was one of the worst weeks of my life, leaving me feeling drenched and overwhelmed with the concept of leaving friends and family and a home I've known for all eighteen years of my life. God broke me, taught me, forced me to lean my whole heart's weight on Him.
And yet coming here has been one of the best times of my life, where I've seen the divine goodness of God and His mercies and His answers to prayer.
To be perfectly honest, the people here feel like family already after eleven days. I've met amazing people from all over the globe, all with testimonies of God's faithfulness and hearts that reflect His work in their lives. It is a beautiful thing to be able to do the ordinary things in life, like go on runs or walk to classes or get groceries and lunch, with people whose hearts echo the heart of God.
And even chapel, just being surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands, of students from different countries and backgrounds and churches and ethnicities, with hands lifted high and voices raised to worship the same God who saves and is faithful. It shakes my soul to hear a multitude of voices praising God together, to be encircled by men and women with a deep love for the Lord and who desire to be used by Him.
Yes, it's true, everyone here has different views on theology or creation or politics, but that's what makes worshipping together so beautiful. That though we are all diverse and have dissimilar stories and opinions, we all share the same heart and devotion and commitment to the Lord and His Word. There is beauty in diversity, and there is beauty in spiritual unity, and the zeal and passion for the Lord here continually amaze me.
Christ is on this campus, in the way the faculty and upperclassmen care for each individual student. During orientation week, I was blessed to have some sophomores walk alongside me, and I was touched and challenged by their spiritual maturity and hunger for God Himself. Even today as I met with academic advisors, their care and genuine love really was evident.
I am encompassed by a community that treasures and thirsts after the heart of God, and because of that, I feel incredible peace, knowing that here, I will be challenged to pursue God and run after Him daily.
Also, I am in the process of changing my major from math secondary instruction. I'm hoping to instead pursue elementary education with a concentration in intercultural studies, God willing, but to be honest, I'm not sure if that will change or not. This past day has been completely hectic, as with the support of my academic advisor and my family, I've decided to alter my education to reflect my desire to teach elementary school overseas in missions. Change is overwhelming, as I've had to change classes and my schedule, and I'm still rather uncertain about what my academic future looks like.
However last night at chapel, the speaker talked about the passage where Jesus calms the wind and and the waves, and I am reminded today that throughout the winds and waves in my own life right now, I have a God who is completely in control of my path. Although this situation is hard to navigate and a little overwhelming, my God is above it all, and He is near, and I cling to Him, for He answers prayer.
So long story short, Biola has been an answer to prayer and a physical reminder of God's faithfulness and goodness to me. I'm still adjusting to new classes and a new academic plan, but I know that while this wasn't part of my original plan, all this has been part of God's plan all along, and He continues to guide my path.
We really do have a good God, a God who answers prayer.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
I'M HOME: An Informal Trip Report/Overview
Dear friends and family,
It's hard to condense the last two weeks into words because to me, there are dozens of memories and moments and events and words said and the most adorable faces and the sweetest smiles that it's hard to sort through them all and pick the ones that stand out the most. I'm also running on less than four hours of sleep, so I apologize if I'm slightly incoherent.
I think one of the most impactful things I've seen in Manila is the rampant poverty. One day driving to Redemptio, we passed by a field completely covered with plastic bags. Men and women were sorting through and cleaning these used trash bags, only to sell them for 8 pesos (5 cents) per kilo. While driving through the streets of Manila, we often passed by street kids and teens who sleep under bridges and roam the streets. Police officers will sometimes kill these kids who have absolutely nothing in the world in an attempt to stop crime and homelessness. Outside the SMs or malls, there were kids outside, maybe eight or nine years old, who held out their grubby hands for a few pesos.
The day we visited Tondo and Smokey Mountain, I also saw people who have absolutely nothing, who live among literal heaps of trash and walk among dirt intermingled with broken glass. Many of these kids don't even have clothes, and most of them don't know what it's like to live with electricity, running water, or to have a meal a day.
Yet while the poverty in Manila is shocking and heartbreaking and difficult to digest, it's also humbling. These people are still so joyful and happy, and they smile in the midst of their hardship. All too often I find myself complaining or grumbling or even just feeling down and depressed, but it's a humbling reminder that contentment and joy can rise above circumstances. Joy is a choice and a lifestyle, and seeing poverty and how people deal with poverty really made me think.
One child that really is memorable to me is Princess. I was blessed to be able to stay at the Home of Joy orphanage for two nights in Cavite, and during that time, I really connected with a little girl who was there. She's about three years old, and while I can't post straight-on photos of her on social media, here's a photo of her from the back.
She really is one of the cutest little toddlers I have ever met. When we first got there, she didn't interact with us much, and she was pretty independent and capable of playing and coloring by herself and she didn't smile a lot. But the second day, she really started to warm up to me and would start to ask to be held or even just climb into my lap, and it became easier and easier to make her laugh.
On the plane ride back, her face kept popping into my mind, and I still wonder when Princess will be adopted and if the family who adopts her will be Christian and will teach her about her Heavenly Father. It's hard to leave the kids not knowing what their future will look like, but I know I have a God who has the best plan for Princess and who loves her even more than I do. I know she won't remember me when she grows up, but I also know I'll never forget her.
During my stay I was so blessed to stay with the Nichols family and to learn from them about what missions looks like. To me, what really struck me was that on one hand, being a missionary can be pretty "normal" in a sense that the Nichols' home is large and comfortable and we were able to go to the movies, get our nails done, have breakfast and meals with friends, and grab food in the SMs. Being a missionary doesn't necessarily mean living in a hut and giving up all types of Western comfort, though it can.
But on the other hand, there was plenty of "abnormal" mixed with all the "normal." The routine there consists of dealing with heavy traffic, bugs, and interacting with those from a different culture who approach tasks differently. The Nichols also serve in Redemptio and so going to Floodway, working with the kids in their school, seeing and dealing with the poverty around them, and helping the squatter community is considered a regular part of their week.
I guess seeing how missions works today surprised me a little because when I was little, I heard stories of Amy Carmichael or Hudson Taylor who converted many people and rescued many orphans and translated the Bible and things like that. There are still missionaries who serve the Lord in that way, I'm sure, but I learned that sometimes missions doesn't look like that. Maybe it's just working in one ministry in one area like Floodway and loving all the kids there and building relationships with the community and assisting the local church and being a light and a witness by word and deed.
I loved Redemptio, and that was one of my favorite ministries I visited. While I was there, I was able to use some of the funds I received to buy each kid a Happy Meal for their merienda during each prek and kinder class, and the kids LOVED it. Some of them had never had McDonalds before, and it was so neat to see their smiles and enthusiasm. I still remember most of the kids' names in the photos, and they are just so precious and funny. It was a real privilege to be able to serve there.
A lot of people have asked how this trip has taught me spiritually, and I think I've learned the importance of trusting God. When I see Christians in Manila living with pretty much nothing, yet living as if they have everything because they have Christ, when I see pastors suffering from cancer or working among the poorest of the poor, when I see how they trust God to provide for them physically and spiritually, it begs the question: If Christians with nothing overseas can trust God, shouldn't I be able to trust Him with what I have? It's again truly humbling to be taught by the examples of other believers, and it has shown me how important it is to trust God.
Looking back, I know that God has really used this trip to draw me closer to Him. My personal devotions have gotten so much deeper and sweeter, and I look forward each day to spending time with the Lord. Going overseas and seeing God working and the love other believers have for Him has really increased my desire to know and love Him more, and I am so grateful He used this trip to teach me and draw me closer to Himself.
There are a lot of people I would like to thank for making this trip possible, to everyone who gave generously and who lifted me up in prayer back at home. The Nichols family has also been so generous and gracious, and I am really blessed by their friendship. It was so great getting to know them better and spend time with their family. Thank you also for reading my blog; it's really encouraging to know that people have been praying for me and are interested in what God is doing overseas.
Global missions is really an exciting journey, a journey of new experiences and building relationships and trusting God. I know Manila and the Philippines will always hold a special place in my heart, and I already miss the culture and the food and just the hospitality and warmth of the people there. The past two weeks have flown by, but they've left behind dozens of memories to treasure and to remember for years to come. Thank you again for your prayers and support!
Salamat,
Amanda
It's hard to condense the last two weeks into words because to me, there are dozens of memories and moments and events and words said and the most adorable faces and the sweetest smiles that it's hard to sort through them all and pick the ones that stand out the most. I'm also running on less than four hours of sleep, so I apologize if I'm slightly incoherent.I think one of the most impactful things I've seen in Manila is the rampant poverty. One day driving to Redemptio, we passed by a field completely covered with plastic bags. Men and women were sorting through and cleaning these used trash bags, only to sell them for 8 pesos (5 cents) per kilo. While driving through the streets of Manila, we often passed by street kids and teens who sleep under bridges and roam the streets. Police officers will sometimes kill these kids who have absolutely nothing in the world in an attempt to stop crime and homelessness. Outside the SMs or malls, there were kids outside, maybe eight or nine years old, who held out their grubby hands for a few pesos.
The day we visited Tondo and Smokey Mountain, I also saw people who have absolutely nothing, who live among literal heaps of trash and walk among dirt intermingled with broken glass. Many of these kids don't even have clothes, and most of them don't know what it's like to live with electricity, running water, or to have a meal a day.
Yet while the poverty in Manila is shocking and heartbreaking and difficult to digest, it's also humbling. These people are still so joyful and happy, and they smile in the midst of their hardship. All too often I find myself complaining or grumbling or even just feeling down and depressed, but it's a humbling reminder that contentment and joy can rise above circumstances. Joy is a choice and a lifestyle, and seeing poverty and how people deal with poverty really made me think.
One child that really is memorable to me is Princess. I was blessed to be able to stay at the Home of Joy orphanage for two nights in Cavite, and during that time, I really connected with a little girl who was there. She's about three years old, and while I can't post straight-on photos of her on social media, here's a photo of her from the back.
She really is one of the cutest little toddlers I have ever met. When we first got there, she didn't interact with us much, and she was pretty independent and capable of playing and coloring by herself and she didn't smile a lot. But the second day, she really started to warm up to me and would start to ask to be held or even just climb into my lap, and it became easier and easier to make her laugh.On the plane ride back, her face kept popping into my mind, and I still wonder when Princess will be adopted and if the family who adopts her will be Christian and will teach her about her Heavenly Father. It's hard to leave the kids not knowing what their future will look like, but I know I have a God who has the best plan for Princess and who loves her even more than I do. I know she won't remember me when she grows up, but I also know I'll never forget her.
During my stay I was so blessed to stay with the Nichols family and to learn from them about what missions looks like. To me, what really struck me was that on one hand, being a missionary can be pretty "normal" in a sense that the Nichols' home is large and comfortable and we were able to go to the movies, get our nails done, have breakfast and meals with friends, and grab food in the SMs. Being a missionary doesn't necessarily mean living in a hut and giving up all types of Western comfort, though it can.
But on the other hand, there was plenty of "abnormal" mixed with all the "normal." The routine there consists of dealing with heavy traffic, bugs, and interacting with those from a different culture who approach tasks differently. The Nichols also serve in Redemptio and so going to Floodway, working with the kids in their school, seeing and dealing with the poverty around them, and helping the squatter community is considered a regular part of their week.
I loved Redemptio, and that was one of my favorite ministries I visited. While I was there, I was able to use some of the funds I received to buy each kid a Happy Meal for their merienda during each prek and kinder class, and the kids LOVED it. Some of them had never had McDonalds before, and it was so neat to see their smiles and enthusiasm. I still remember most of the kids' names in the photos, and they are just so precious and funny. It was a real privilege to be able to serve there.
A lot of people have asked how this trip has taught me spiritually, and I think I've learned the importance of trusting God. When I see Christians in Manila living with pretty much nothing, yet living as if they have everything because they have Christ, when I see pastors suffering from cancer or working among the poorest of the poor, when I see how they trust God to provide for them physically and spiritually, it begs the question: If Christians with nothing overseas can trust God, shouldn't I be able to trust Him with what I have? It's again truly humbling to be taught by the examples of other believers, and it has shown me how important it is to trust God.
Looking back, I know that God has really used this trip to draw me closer to Him. My personal devotions have gotten so much deeper and sweeter, and I look forward each day to spending time with the Lord. Going overseas and seeing God working and the love other believers have for Him has really increased my desire to know and love Him more, and I am so grateful He used this trip to teach me and draw me closer to Himself.There are a lot of people I would like to thank for making this trip possible, to everyone who gave generously and who lifted me up in prayer back at home. The Nichols family has also been so generous and gracious, and I am really blessed by their friendship. It was so great getting to know them better and spend time with their family. Thank you also for reading my blog; it's really encouraging to know that people have been praying for me and are interested in what God is doing overseas.
Global missions is really an exciting journey, a journey of new experiences and building relationships and trusting God. I know Manila and the Philippines will always hold a special place in my heart, and I already miss the culture and the food and just the hospitality and warmth of the people there. The past two weeks have flown by, but they've left behind dozens of memories to treasure and to remember for years to come. Thank you again for your prayers and support!
Salamat,
Amanda
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Day 13 - Redemptio
Dear friends and family,
Today was my last whole day here, and my last day visiting the first prek and kinder classes. Tomorrow I plan to drop by the second prek class before heading to the airport. I'll really miss each and every child at Redemptio, each little girl with their cute braids and pink hair ribbons and the little guys with their gelled up hair. They make me laugh.
Making children smile is one of the most rewarding things in the world. I will forever remember their names, their unique personalities, their amazing smiles. I have a ton of pictures and even more memories.
One little girl whose face sticks with me is Princess, the little toddler at the orphanage. My heart goes out to her because she was starting to get more attached to me when we were able to leave. She is such a sweetheart and she really is a little princess, and more than anything, it's my prayer that she is able to go to a family who loves her and she can one day know her Heavenly Father. I miss her so much.
One of the songs the kids at Redemptio sang today was:
Today was my last whole day here, and my last day visiting the first prek and kinder classes. Tomorrow I plan to drop by the second prek class before heading to the airport. I'll really miss each and every child at Redemptio, each little girl with their cute braids and pink hair ribbons and the little guys with their gelled up hair. They make me laugh.
Making children smile is one of the most rewarding things in the world. I will forever remember their names, their unique personalities, their amazing smiles. I have a ton of pictures and even more memories.
One little girl whose face sticks with me is Princess, the little toddler at the orphanage. My heart goes out to her because she was starting to get more attached to me when we were able to leave. She is such a sweetheart and she really is a little princess, and more than anything, it's my prayer that she is able to go to a family who loves her and she can one day know her Heavenly Father. I miss her so much.
One of the songs the kids at Redemptio sang today was:
It's about you, it's about me
It's about the truth that sets us free
It's about L-O-V-E, love
From the Father up above
It's about hope, it's about life
It's about the love of Jesus Christ
It's about everlasting, never-failing love
It almost made me cry to see kids who grow up with literally nothing sing about God's love for them. Some of them don't have parents who take care of them, daily meals, electricity or running water, toys, etc and some have never left the squatter community they live in. But they were singing about God's love and how God loves them unfailingly. He treasures each one of them. He knows their names and He has the best plan in mind for them. He loves them more than I or anyone on earth could and I trust Him with each of their lives.
Father, watch over each one of them and draw them close to You.
I've had a wonderful time getting to stay with the Nichols family and work at Redemptio and see various other ministries. I love this country and I love the children I got to meet, and it has been incredible to see God work and to be used by Him. Missions and working with children is dear to my heart, and I am forever thankful for the past two weeks. I have so many great memories bottled up inside me, and I'm excited to fly home and see you all.
Love,
Amanda
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Day 12 - The Day I Got Lice and Other Prayer Requests
Hi friends and family,
Today has been a pretty crazy day. I woke up and had suspicions I had lice which Ellie later confirmed, so I had to do a shampoo treatment today. Yet I don't regret a single thing. I don't regret loving the children and holding them in my lap and giving them hugs and playing with them, and lice is a small price to pay for being able to love them this week. So I don't feel too stressed about it.
Also please keep Redemptio and the Nichols in your prayers. They are in the process of building another school in Floodway, but there's a bit of difficulty with the contractor who hasn't started building as planned. In addition, they are about to sign the papers for another school property in Antipolo near another squatter community, and they hope to begin the process of renovating and cleaning up the building so they can expand Redemptio. Please keep the school in your prayers as they continue to expand and share God's love with the poorest of the poor. Pray for the process, that everything would go smoothly and that God will continue to provide.
Today I had the opportunity to visit a street girls camp briefly, and hearing about the girls really was impactful. They usually stay for two nights, and the first night they arrive they're usually high on drugs. They get fed and sleep until the next morning. Then the second day they usually have a program of some sort and they leave the third day. We arrived midday and got to talk to some of the girls for a little while before meeting the Booker family who runs that ministry. One girl in particular, Mae Mae, was super sweet and showed us around the camp and was very eager to talk to us.
Please pray for that ministry as well, that God would touch lives with the kindness and grace poured out upon some of the world's neediest teens. Pray for the missionaries who serve there, that God would grant them patience and wisdom.
The next two days I'm spending at Redemptio and I'm so excited to see the kids again and be able to interact with them.
Amanda
Today has been a pretty crazy day. I woke up and had suspicions I had lice which Ellie later confirmed, so I had to do a shampoo treatment today. Yet I don't regret a single thing. I don't regret loving the children and holding them in my lap and giving them hugs and playing with them, and lice is a small price to pay for being able to love them this week. So I don't feel too stressed about it.
Also please keep Redemptio and the Nichols in your prayers. They are in the process of building another school in Floodway, but there's a bit of difficulty with the contractor who hasn't started building as planned. In addition, they are about to sign the papers for another school property in Antipolo near another squatter community, and they hope to begin the process of renovating and cleaning up the building so they can expand Redemptio. Please keep the school in your prayers as they continue to expand and share God's love with the poorest of the poor. Pray for the process, that everything would go smoothly and that God will continue to provide.
Today I had the opportunity to visit a street girls camp briefly, and hearing about the girls really was impactful. They usually stay for two nights, and the first night they arrive they're usually high on drugs. They get fed and sleep until the next morning. Then the second day they usually have a program of some sort and they leave the third day. We arrived midday and got to talk to some of the girls for a little while before meeting the Booker family who runs that ministry. One girl in particular, Mae Mae, was super sweet and showed us around the camp and was very eager to talk to us.
Please pray for that ministry as well, that God would touch lives with the kindness and grace poured out upon some of the world's neediest teens. Pray for the missionaries who serve there, that God would grant them patience and wisdom.
The next two days I'm spending at Redemptio and I'm so excited to see the kids again and be able to interact with them.
Amanda
Monday, July 11, 2016
Day 11 - More Thoughts from my Journal
Dear friends and family,
Today I had breakfast with Ellie and a few of her friends and I also got to spend time in the kinder class at Redemptio. People ask if I'm ready to go home, and I think I have mixed emotions about it. I love Manila and I love the Philippines, and I think the culture and sense of community seen here is lacking in the States. So while I don't necessarily miss the physical environment back home, I do miss the people, my friends and family. I'm not sure if that's a definite no or yes but my heart tugs me both ways.
One verse from a song I've been meditating on reads:
Today I had breakfast with Ellie and a few of her friends and I also got to spend time in the kinder class at Redemptio. People ask if I'm ready to go home, and I think I have mixed emotions about it. I love Manila and I love the Philippines, and I think the culture and sense of community seen here is lacking in the States. So while I don't necessarily miss the physical environment back home, I do miss the people, my friends and family. I'm not sure if that's a definite no or yes but my heart tugs me both ways.
One verse from a song I've been meditating on reads:
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist
It amazes me that today I have the gift of life. Life is such a precious gift I take for granted, and also my relationship with my Father. He delights in us. He pursues us. He loves us. And I'm overwhelmed, overjoyed, delighted, radiant in who He is because this life is truly a miracle, a token of love I do not deserve.
It is a beautiful thing to wake up in disbelief at the Lord's goodness.
In the Philippines, I guess it's a little easier to be spiritually minded, to recognize God's presence and care each day. But I have to remind myself I serve the same God back at home, and I should feel the same awe and love and disbelief at what He is doing in my life and in my community in the States.
I want to take home with me this awe and this amazement. I want to wake up each morning amazed at my very existence and at God's provision and grace. I want to wake up each morning to fall in love with my Creator as if I had never heard of His good news or of His love.
Maybe Jesus said that's why the kingdom belongs to the children, because of their innocence and awe and appreciation for every little thing. They can see the same magic trick or hear the same story or watch the same cartoon daily and not get bored or lose that sense of awe.
According to G.K. Chesterton:
Now, to put the matter in a popular phrase, it might be true that the sun rises regularly because he never gets tired of rising. His routine might be due, not to a lifelessness, but to a rush of life. The thing I mean can be seen, for instance, in children, when they find some game or joke that they specially enjoy. A child kicks his legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life. Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we. The repetition in Nature may not be a mere recurrence; it may be a theatrical ENCORE.
IIIhope that I will never grow
to tired of seeing God's creation but also life in general. I want to live with a sense of awe and gratitude at how wonderful the world and its Creator is. It's my prayer that this sense of amazement stay with me long after I return to the States.
Amanda
Amanda
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Day 10 - Thoughts from my Journal
Dear friends and family,
Today was a wonderful day of fellowship and shopping and relaxation. I am so blessed to know the Nichols family, and I've really enjoyed getting to spend time with them these past ten days. Looking ahead, I'm mainly going to be helping in Redemptio before I leave on Thursday, and on Tuesday, I'm visiting the street girls' camp for half a day.
I can't believe my time here has gone by so quickly. On one hand, I miss you all back at home, but on the other hand, I know I'll really miss this place. Whether it's the colorful jeepneys or the friendly honking during traffic or the little cockroaches and mosquitoes (mosquitoes 15: me 2) or the vibrantly painted buildings or the little kittens on the street or the fried chicken and rice or just the friendliness and respect of the culture here, I know the Philippines will always be dear to my heart.
Even today, while we were in the car, we passed a group of teens who live on the streets under a bridge at night. Only a few feet away sat a tall SM, which is basically a mall/shopping complex. Here I see the poorest of the poor living among the wealthy, and I think I'm learning more that on one hand, it's okay not to feel guilty for what I have and to glorify God with my possessions while also learning to balance being open and willing to give sacrificially. But it really is heartbreaking to see people living with so little but having so much joy.
One issue God has really been putting on my heart is the command to be still and to wait before Him.
Today was a wonderful day of fellowship and shopping and relaxation. I am so blessed to know the Nichols family, and I've really enjoyed getting to spend time with them these past ten days. Looking ahead, I'm mainly going to be helping in Redemptio before I leave on Thursday, and on Tuesday, I'm visiting the street girls' camp for half a day.
I can't believe my time here has gone by so quickly. On one hand, I miss you all back at home, but on the other hand, I know I'll really miss this place. Whether it's the colorful jeepneys or the friendly honking during traffic or the little cockroaches and mosquitoes (mosquitoes 15: me 2) or the vibrantly painted buildings or the little kittens on the street or the fried chicken and rice or just the friendliness and respect of the culture here, I know the Philippines will always be dear to my heart.
Even today, while we were in the car, we passed a group of teens who live on the streets under a bridge at night. Only a few feet away sat a tall SM, which is basically a mall/shopping complex. Here I see the poorest of the poor living among the wealthy, and I think I'm learning more that on one hand, it's okay not to feel guilty for what I have and to glorify God with my possessions while also learning to balance being open and willing to give sacrificially. But it really is heartbreaking to see people living with so little but having so much joy.
One issue God has really been putting on my heart is the command to be still and to wait before Him.
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 46:10
He says, "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Today, while I was journaling, I was asking myself: How can I be still when people are suffering, when the world is broken and hurting? How can I be still in an uncertain world when I have hopes and dreams not yet fulfilled? How can I be still when there's so much to fear and worry about and there's so much in the world that is dark and evil and painful?
And then this question popped into my mind: If I live with worry and doubt, not living as if God is sovereign and He holds my life in His hands, if I don't truly live as if God is enough for me, then I won't be still. Too often I live life wanting to make my own plans, not wanting to be patient or wait but wanting to make my own friends, find my own future, plan my own dreams. But I am reminded that maybe I just need to wait and let God move, let God work and change my heart and bring things to pass instead of taking matters into my own hands.
These past ten days I've seen God work. I've seen Him use men and women to reach children and communities, men and women suffering from physical illnesses or financial needs or emotional struggles. I've heard testimonies of God changing and shaping lives, and I've seen God provide financially and spiritually. Not only has He been active all around me, but He's also shown Himself trustworthy in my own life, providing for my physical and spiritual needs during this whole time.
And seeing God move and work really makes me long to be still and wait before God. I now feel a deep desire to trust God more, to wait for Him, to be still before Him. We have a God who is the Starmaker, who created the universe, who plans everything, every event, every timing, every day perfectly. I don't need to worry or stress or try to take control of my own life, but I can wait for Him who is my Storywriter because He is a God who is mighty and who acts on our behalf for His glory and our good.
I'm excited to learn more how to be still, how to wait. God is doing wonderful things in the lives of His children, and this trip has deepened my trust for Him and also increased my desire to trust and depend on Him more. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He doesn't need us to try and act on our own accord or to try and figure out our lives. He will act for us.
Psalm 126:3
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad
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